The Masters Program of Spirituality

I fought, struggling to catch the wind to stretch my spiritual wings. It all felt uncertain, like I'm going nowhere. Quitting is no longer an option. I must persevere, despite the heartbreak, despite the disappointment, despite the sense of loss. I must free myself of the prision of yet another layer of unconsciousness that constricts me, limits me.

How did this life that once felt so big and impossible to fill become

so suddenly small and limiting?

As this year concludes, I am reminded of the last semester of my graduate work. The semester was winding down and everything I worked toward in those three years was coming to a head for finishing my Masters degree. Anything procrastinated needed to be addressed. Anything incomplete needed to be finished.. Time and space seemed to accelerate the process. Thesis research needed to be culled into a theme, organized into a presentable written paper and oral exam with logical sensibility and continuity before a panel of professors reviewed and heard it. As January turned into late April, it was crunch time; do or do not. If I fully committed to the effort, I would graduate with my Masters, and transition into the new phase of my life. If I did not do the work, I would remain stuck, degreeless.

The last five years since my return to Kentucky have felt like spiritual graduate school.

2013 has been “crunch time” as I complete what has felt like graduate level spiritual work before the next phase of my life can begin. Time and space accelerate me forward (no matter how hard my Egoic Self tried to apply the brakes), especially in these last three months, compelling me to participate and complete the upshift of my spiritual consciousness and vibration. Ever since my return to Kentucky, life has been filled with change and loss. This year has been the most intense year yet, even in its final month of December. Nothing like the healing process wringing you of every last bit resistance, leaving you no choice but to fully surrender into the Divine Truth.  Five years ago, I had no idea I would undergo such a spiritual renovation or why. Six months ago, I had no idea what would unfold in the latter half of this year. I intuitively felt a major shift was ahead, a crossroads decision was coming. Now, the process and purpose reads crystal clear as I wrap up spiritual and personal healing in preparation for my fifth decade in this human experience.

This last year took me to the deepest levels of healing in my unconsciousness while simultaneously shifting me to my highest consciousness of being and awareness. This healing work demanded I stand more firmly in my personal and spiritual power. It taught me to stay true to intuitive guidance, despite external antagonism from others who had different expectations of me. This year administered many lessons: expansion of voice, better balance between my humanness and my Divine Self; redefining and holding true to boundaries; patience with myself and others; being in the present moment, thus Universal flow; discipline in body, mind and spirit; greater grace and humility; and ownership of my creative power Within and its use for my lavish Good.

Throughout this process, I have on occasion acted like a five-year-old in aisle number 3 throwing a temper tantrum when things were not going my way. I have wobbled within my warbling of expressing my voice with the clumsiness of an aardvark, and at times, with too much Helen Reddy roar. I have fell flat on my face while attempting to balance being grounded and spiritually connected during major life transitions. I have wandered at times from the path of spiritual daily practices. I have tolerated challenges of my boundaries, and overcompensated in holding and/or reclaiming them. And I have haphazardly created stumbling blocks along the way through the worrisome and defensive chatter of Egoic Mind.

Yes, I am human; and like Luke Skywalker first learning how to trust the Force while using his Light Saber, I and my Egoic Self have been less than graceful through these shifts and applications of the new ways of spiritual consciousness in daily life.

As I moved towards my Masters degree in Theater arts in 1990, I took many difficult, and at times, excruciating steps to make that achievement a reality; however, having that degree did not mean I knew everything there is to know about theater arts. Graduation means the process of moving in small increments, not necessarily completion. My spiritual graduate work of these past five years nears completion; but none of us ever completely graduate from the spiritual classroom that is our life.  I suppose I will continue with the PhD version of spiritual living – where I take this new higher consciousness, and actively live it, express it, and practice it more fully in my human experience. That's the point of our human experience  - continually reawakening to our Truth, God's version of it, and living in the Divine Consciousness of who we are through conscious intention that sustains continued learning and growth of the I Am Within.

For the first time in five years, I feel more

deeply alive and awake than I have felt in a long time.

 

Many heartfelt thanks to everyone, so many who has traveled this journey with me these past five years: Gregory & Cynthia at the Bead Angel; past Soaring Dove and Healing Life Energy clients; past mentoring and Science of Mind students; friends, lovers, co-workers, and strangers, past and present; my mother, my father, my brother, and other family members; spiritual teachers and supports, especially A'ra, my beautiful spiritual coach, Kim, Lita, and the ministry of Mile Hi Church.

Mountains and Valleys

Life is filled with ups and downs. I remember when younger, before traveling on this spiritual enlightenment journey, telling people, “Life is full of ups and downs; you can't have the peaks without the valleys.” I would remember this mantra when facing life challenges in my young adult life, but funny I had not thought of it in the last few years. In doing so now, I must chuckle at the fact I left Colorado, home of the Rocky Mountains, to return to Browns Valley, Kentucky. Oh, the irony! Since then, my life has felt as if its been in a valley. I've enjoyed abundance of hilltop views throughout the experience, but only in the last few months am I feeling the pull of the mountainside – and heading in that direction.

When you've been in a valley for any length of time, the depths of despair, struggle and aimlessness gives reason to pause before taking on a mountain climb. There's usually hopelessness, doubt and an insecurity in making the trek higher. A mountain climber can not make his climb without gear; without it, little to no progress would be made up the jagged and rocky path. Hope and Faith are the “equipment” for this journey. Additionally, the climber focuses on the path ahead, not on the drop of the valley depths below from which he's climbed. Climbing mountains is steep work, and requires we reach far beyond what we believe we are capable of reaching. There's always a risk of falling, and the mountain climber heeds confident awareness in his climb, ever respectful of the distance from where he started to where he is. In traveling up the ascending walls from out of the valley, we may tend to focus on what we've leave behind and have known, the depths of despair and our history within it. A mountain climber focuses on what's in front of him, and travels in confidence of the mountain's new heights and all its majesty await to receive him with open arms.

In my Life's latest Valley, I found commiseration with others who enjoy the comfort in the depth of the drama rendering helplessness, hopelessness, misery and despair. Using every ounce of strength I had left in me, I decided to make my climb out of it. It's a choice; it ain't easy; and the effort requires greater drive and determination as you begin the trek. The Dogs of Despair nip at your heels, attempting to pull you back down into the muck and mire of the Valley's dark depth. The initial effort is the hardest, but with perseverance, you move out of its reach to continue the journey upward.

Out of the shadows of the valley, I feel sunshine on my face once again. I can see a new horizon high above me. This climb requires due diligence, consciousness, effort, and the climbing equipment of Hope, Faith, Determination, Patience and Courage. Many times I catch myself wondering when I'll fall (a.k.a. when is the other shoe going to drop?). In this momentary thought process, my Hope line gets tangled, opening me up to doubt, thus risking my tumble down into the Valley. With due diligence and a consciousness to my effort each step of the way, I secure my Faith which allows me to clear my Hope for a stronger grip as I pull myself upward. I continue on, slowly, intentionally, and with courageous perseverance. I focus on the mountain peak ahead, less on the Valley and all it was. When I briefly look back to assess my progress, I bless the Valley in gratitude for the wisdom and strength mined from within myself to make this mountain climb.

Stopping and resting along the climb is required as it allows me to reassess my travel conditions, reassess my navigational plan, and to recalibrate my intention that carry me towards my vision. I must routinely check and maintain my climbing equipment: Faith and Hope, Determination, Patience, and Courage. These tools are key to the success of this climb. I must also nurture myself along the way, and celebrate the progress I've made.

I'm climbing a new mountain once again. There are times it's exhausting, and the pull of the Valley beckons. In those moments, it would appear easier to give up and give in, a choice many often choose. With a quick nod of acknowledgment, I move forward, keeping my eyes on the peak high above. With that focus, I feel the strong magnetic pull of that which I desire. Often the journey feels slow, but with each step, progress is made. With each day, steps are taken. And in time, the sun's warmth on my face grows stronger and I relish in its glow. It nourishes my Hope, infuses my Faith. I strengthen my hold of Determination and find more Courage as distance grows between the Valley and me. I see the Mountain Peak; it is there I shall stand in the fullest glory of my Life.

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