I'm Coming Out!

Hoohaw!  It’s time. If I’ve learned anything over these past eight years, it’s this: I must own who and what I am.  It’s not something you just would bring up in a conversation. I have been sleepwalking for the past several years. I made a choice to turn away from myself, and it hasn’t served me well. I am done denying my truth because it’s exhausting and unhealthy for me.   

I am an Empath.

What’s an empath? Empaths take on other living beings' energies and even physical symptoms within our bodies.  We feel joy and upset and hurt as strongly as others do.  We are supersensitive to tones of voices and body movements.  Empaths feel first, THEN think, so when we feel, we’re not so sure we are feeling our own stuff or that of someone else’s.  According to Judith Orloff, M.D., empaths share some or all the same traits of what psychologists call Highly Sensitive People (HSP). We can have a low threshold for stimulation, a need for alone time, sensitivity to light, sound and smell, and an aversion to large crowds. Empaths need more time to downshift their gears after a busy day as our transition from high stimulation to quiet and calm is slower.  Empaths also share HSP’s love of nature and quiet environments. Everything is made of energy, including emotions and physical sensations, such as feelings and pain. Additionally, Orloff states that some empaths have profound spiritual and intuitive experiences, and are even able to communicate with animals, nature and their inner guides. How does this work physiologically? There are many scientific findings that explain the empath experience. For more information, you can visit this website for more information.  

I never knew what an empath was until I was in Colorado. Only then did I realize I’ve had empathic experiences since I was a child.  I saw and heard energy in the dead of the night while living in early childhood home. The energy buzzed in the room, though I didn’t understand it.  The trees in our backyard talked to me as clearly as those in The Lord of the Rings. I saw and felt the presence of imaginary friends who were as real to me (as they are for many children) as my human friends. These experiences continued as a teenager. During a vacation visit to the Civil War battleground of Vicksburg, I felt extremely overwhelmed by the dense energy of the historic past. It’s a somber experience for anyone but I felt the suffering of those who fought and died there. I always have known things before they happened, which were later validated as if the Universe was presenting the info to me on a silver platter. As an adult, when I lived in an older home in Lexington, I would find things such as my brush or barrettes in different places than where I left them.  After my husband swore that he wasn’t messing with me, I spontaneously informed the supposed “ghost” in a loud and scolding voice that they could live in our house, but they had to leave my shit alone. No other such unexplainable mischief took place. And I’m not sure why I thought it was a ghost or spirit. 

I usually know if I’m being lied to or not, if I tune in. I also feel the energy of animals and plants.  I am very sensitive to Earth energy, including seasonal shifts and weather. Before Hurricane Katrina hit Louisiana, my birth state, I was on the couch for several days experiencing an unexplained malaise.  I felt edgy, anxious, and not myself as the deadly storm approached.  Once it hit, my energy rebounded to normal. My mentor explained I was picking up on the impending devastation and loss of life that was about to happen. I can feel stagnant energy in the air, and when it clears out with out of the ordinary winds. I also sense when ominous weather is approaching.  I tap into what’s called the collective unconscious - the collective energy of the human condition – fear, upset, anxiety, grief – caused by whatever is happening at any significant time, such as Columbine, 9/11, or right now, the shutdown.  Studying Healing Touch further expanded my empathic senses as I learned to feel people’s angst, heartaches, and physical discomforts held in their bodies and energy centers using my hands. 

I learned I was an empath while in Colorado mentoring under Deb Sheppard, a nationally known psychic and medium. I, along with others like me who are normal blue- and white-collar individuals of all socio-economic classes on that journey, opened up and accepted my empathic and intuitive gifts. I feel, know, and sense things that are unexplainable, unseen and unevidenced.
  

I have been sleepwalking since 2011 as my Third Eye slowly began to close after moving back to Owensboro out of fear and an exhaustion of what it means to be an empath. Other than a few close friends, I have been very private about this part of who I am, mainly out of fear of: judgment, losing friendships, displeasing someone, even persecution by those who simply don’t understand what it means.  But I cannot not avoid who I am; I tried and it nearly broke me because I forgot who I was and how to take care of me while taking care of everyone else. 

Today, I celebrate myself as an empath who connects with others in a unique and God-gifted way as a spiritual guide and intuitive. (Click for a fun surprise!) 

Life is a Box of SHI(f)Ts

It has been a while since my last blog post. I haven't felt the call to write. I haven't felt the space to write. The Universe is opening that space, urging me to open my Third Eye, and challenging me in the latest shift of my Life. Read more below.

You never know what Life has planned for you.  It all seems set, the path determined, and then the God comes in like Emeril and goes BAM! And suddenly you’re on a new path, a detour on which to
travel.

My "determined" path was mapped out as follows:  Move to Owensboro to take care of mom, then after a brief stay in Evansville/Newburgh, return to Owensboro to take care dad. Live in Owensboro until that time comes to pass when Dad himself passes to a better Life, and no longer needs me.

Yet a new path has been assigned and I’m in this weird space of uncertainty.  I really hate that space, don’t you?  It means decisions have to be made, and then doubts come up, the ones repressed by what you thought was your path determined, a life defined. 

• Doubts that beg the questions of what, when, where, how.
• Doubts that command I let go and let God do the figuring out of things.
• Doubts that have to be silenced so I may listen, and clearly hear the intuitive guidance of my Highest self.
• Doubts that stir impatience within, the need to know NOW, the need to know the answers so the waves of anxiety created by the tide of uncertainty can calm, ease the breathlessness, the knots in the stomach.

I have felt an uneasiness since summer. I have sensed major changes and a shift making its way since early fall.  And in that knowing, I have felt myself spiraling downward into an eddy of uncertainty and anxiety.  Everything around me, that which I felt confident and certain began imploding into a mass destruction of complacency.  I really should’ve known not to become complacent, because when you do, it is like Emeril’s frying pan over the head – BAM! You aren’t ready for it, even in the knowing and sensing something was coming.

The whacks upside the head came one at a time.  

BAM! - The overwhelming sense of depression, hopelessness, along with the questions of why bother with life.  

BAM! - A realization that I had not been myself lately at work, and was struggling with how to address it.

BAM! - The blindside confirming my realizations, but through the sense of feeling utterly thrown under the bus of just how awful person I had become in my stress-induced life of hopelessness and depression.

BAM! - Believing I couldn’t feel and go any lower, my sole/soul purpose for returning to Owensboro – my father – must move two hours east where he will be safer, and ultimately happier. 

God had a plan and a hand in each and every one of these unexpected mayhem experiences to ensure I return to the purpose driven path I am meant to travel during this life experience of mine.

Now in Owensboro, I am standing in the intersection of “Well Shit” and “Now What?” God is inviting me to revisit my God-given healing and intuitive gift which I uncovered and discovered while in Colorado; this gift I chose to walk away from and shut down six years ago out of fear. I am being asked to open my Third Eye again for others, wider and more willingly than before; to see beyond what is, and to share this gift with others. I’m gulping as I lean into this uncertainty, trusting and knowing God and my spirit guides shall provide clarity and guidance. I forgot how incredibly exasperating, yet humorous a ride these SHIfTs can be. It’s been a while.

I’m buckling my seat belt and hanging on. See ya on the other side.