Life is a Box of SHI(f)Ts

It has been a while since my last blog post. I haven't felt the call to write. I haven't felt the space to write. The Universe is opening that space, urging me to open my Third Eye, and challenging me in the latest shift of my Life. Read more below.

You never know what Life has planned for you.  It all seems set, the path determined, and then the God comes in like Emeril and goes BAM! And suddenly you’re on a new path, a detour on which to
travel.

My "determined" path was mapped out as follows:  Move to Owensboro to take care of mom, then after a brief stay in Evansville/Newburgh, return to Owensboro to take care dad. Live in Owensboro until that time comes to pass when Dad himself passes to a better Life, and no longer needs me.

Yet a new path has been assigned and I’m in this weird space of uncertainty.  I really hate that space, don’t you?  It means decisions have to be made, and then doubts come up, the ones repressed by what you thought was your path determined, a life defined. 

• Doubts that beg the questions of what, when, where, how.
• Doubts that command I let go and let God do the figuring out of things.
• Doubts that have to be silenced so I may listen, and clearly hear the intuitive guidance of my Highest self.
• Doubts that stir impatience within, the need to know NOW, the need to know the answers so the waves of anxiety created by the tide of uncertainty can calm, ease the breathlessness, the knots in the stomach.

I have felt an uneasiness since summer. I have sensed major changes and a shift making its way since early fall.  And in that knowing, I have felt myself spiraling downward into an eddy of uncertainty and anxiety.  Everything around me, that which I felt confident and certain began imploding into a mass destruction of complacency.  I really should’ve known not to become complacent, because when you do, it is like Emeril’s frying pan over the head – BAM! You aren’t ready for it, even in the knowing and sensing something was coming.

The whacks upside the head came one at a time.  

BAM! - The overwhelming sense of depression, hopelessness, along with the questions of why bother with life.  

BAM! - A realization that I had not been myself lately at work, and was struggling with how to address it.

BAM! - The blindside confirming my realizations, but through the sense of feeling utterly thrown under the bus of just how awful person I had become in my stress-induced life of hopelessness and depression.

BAM! - Believing I couldn’t feel and go any lower, my sole/soul purpose for returning to Owensboro – my father – must move two hours east where he will be safer, and ultimately happier. 

God had a plan and a hand in each and every one of these unexpected mayhem experiences to ensure I return to the purpose driven path I am meant to travel during this life experience of mine.

Now in Owensboro, I am standing in the intersection of “Well Shit” and “Now What?” God is inviting me to revisit my God-given healing and intuitive gift which I uncovered and discovered while in Colorado; this gift I chose to walk away from and shut down six years ago out of fear. I am being asked to open my Third Eye again for others, wider and more willingly than before; to see beyond what is, and to share this gift with others. I’m gulping as I lean into this uncertainty, trusting and knowing God and my spirit guides shall provide clarity and guidance. I forgot how incredibly exasperating, yet humorous a ride these SHIfTs can be. It’s been a while.

I’m buckling my seat belt and hanging on. See ya on the other side.

Excuse The Dust! Spiritual Work in Progress!

Seventeen years ago, my ex-husband and I decided upon a kitchen remodel after buying a new home. Such a project is a major undertaking and disruption to one's life. You scrutinize every inch of the space and surfaces, under the cabinets, in the corners for those things that are inefficient, unproductive to the flow of movement. You see more clearly the scarred and weary wallpaper, and other detractions that blend into the background unnoticed by our everyday point of view. You reevaluate what is working and not working, the effectiveness and ineffectiveness of the use of space, practices, and the overall layout. You discover things outdated and determine what updates need to be made. Next comes the destruction when we tear everything apart, dismantling it so we may create and build anew. The entire process wears on your nerves, but upon its completion, you realize how worth it is truly is.

I have been undergoing a spiritual remodel for the past five years; and 2013 has been the final wrap-up of this process.  While purposeful, the stripping of the old to make room for the new is stressful and exhausting to the Egoic Self. This major task rightfully eliminates any distractions that may impede the remodeling process, ensuring the discipline and perseverance required to see it through to the end. There are days when you do not think it will ever end, and you even wonder why you agreed to take on the task in the first place. Yet, as you move forward through the uncertainty of how it will look in the end, an inner sense, a Knowing Within pushes you on as you lay crumpled on the floor in all your humanness, feeling defeat and anguish. Like the inner drive of a new butterfly, you press on to break free from the cocoon that has served you well for a period of time, but now confines you from expanding your wings even further.

Through this year's process, I made some difficult decisions, despite unpopular opinion, to create more space for this spiritual remodeling project. As I have nurtured this transformation, friends, coworkers, and acquaintances became scarce in my life. The withdrawals are heartbreaking, hurtful even, and a grieving process occurs along with the shifting. People's perceived version of who you are clashes with who you are becoming. Relationships tend to separate as vibrational discordance takes place. People take personally newly-defined boundaries; or experience upset when you do not meet their expectations; or feel rejected when your focus shifts to meeting your own needs of healing rather than attending to their needs. Having been through these spiritual expansions before, these reactions are not uncommon occurrences. To gain anything, space must be created, cleared, for it is the Law of Balance. The Universe has a way of naturally clearing anything that may distract or detract from this spiritual expansion.

We are all One, and we see ourselves in others in many ways, at various levels. During these shifts, people tend to shy away from those undergoing spiritual renovation. A part of themselves sees a part left unaddressed Within, striking an Egoic chord of fear, intimidation, or resistance to the change. I myself have faced difficult mirror reflections in others throughout this past year. The key to spiritual healing and growth is looking those reflections square in the eye. To shy away from it equals Egoic denial.  We are all One, and as such, we all see ourselves in others. Each of us serves as teachers, mirrors for one another. Until we are willing to look at our Truth Within and/or that found in the mirror reflections of others, we cannot gain the insight, understanding, and wisdom guidance for spiritual growth and expansion.

Consciousness is not a one time event, or even a part-time event, but a daily practice of being and living. I have been blessed with many souls serving as my teachers these past five years, and I know many more will appear in the years to come. I give thanks for them all whom I hold in such gratitude and love.  Without them showing up the way they do and have, I cannot learn about myself, my spiritual Truth, nor expand my consciousness within that Truth.

If we are to commit to living this human experience as spiritual beings, we must commit to look deep within ourselves, seeing and admitting the truth about ourselves, about our role in creating our own experiences, and how we relate to others. Without a willingness to do this from an objective place of intuitiveness, healing cannot take place; nor can we evolve into higher consciousness and achieve a greater clarity of our Truth Within.

Look into the mirror reflections of every person in your life. Look for yourself, and accept the invitation to go deeper within. Ignore the Egoic tendency to cover your eyes. Look deeply, and see the truth these soul teachers are inviting you to see.

In doing so, you will be on the path to achieving a higher way of being in the human experience.