Wake Me Up Before you Go-Go!

It's a New Year and I sincerely hope you all safely and joyously celebrated! I bless and thank 2011 for all it provided so I may prepare to move forward in excitement and anticipation for 2012.

If you read my last post, you know I did some serious “shedding” in 2011. The year facilitated stripping myself of Egoic pride, and surrendering completely to the guidance and flow of God in my life. A few months ago in a phone conversation with my former spiritual teacher, I explained I felt like I'd spent most of 2011 “waking up” from a really bad dream. She gently stated, “Carolyn, you've been grieving for the last two years, and you're coming out of it.” It never occurred to me I was in a grief for over two years; I mean, I felt better about my mom's passing, though I still had moments. But when I stopped to ponder Deb's words, I grieved many losses that started before my mom's death, and that I continued to experience since through 2011.

Worse, I was making major decisions from that place of grief! I remember reading somewhere you are not to make any major decisions for a year after a loved one passes. Well, I certainly didn't listen to that sage advice! I moved to Evansville to be closer to a man I'd just met only a few months before and had agreed to marry. I started a new business, offering holistic, metaphysical services in an area unfamiliar with such concepts. I made poor financial decisions; I renegotiated my values for friendships. In hindsight, and gratefully I look back laughing at the whirlwind that was my life. While I wasn't so amused last summer, now I can laugh when I look back at the last three years thanks to a healing process, and jestfully ask myself: What were you thinking?!? And damn, if you didn't have some cahonas!

That wild and crazy ride had its good stuff too!! I met some amazingly warm and welcoming business people in Evansville (Rainmakers) who supported me despite not fully understanding what it was I did! I shared some fun, pee-in-your-pants laughter, and memorable times with classmates in a few wild and haphazard adventures. I had the honor to serve some incredible clients through my business, Healing Life Energy. I familiarized myself and connected within the community of Evansville, Indiana where I called home for nineteen months. I came home and reconnected with Owensboro, Kentucky, and my extended family members and acquaintances of the past. I am employed and in service to a wonderful non-profit organization serving to empower others, a mission resonating with my heart's own desire. And I'm closer to my father, committed to serving him in his aging years, and more importantly, restoring and healing my relationship with him.

For the first time in over three years, I feel like my life is in alignment, and I am exactly where I am suppose to be right now. In 2009, I made decisions out of emotion. In 2010, I made decisions both emotionally and intellectually. In 2011, my Spirit's voice broke through the clutter that was my life so I may truly recognize and know my heart. Upon my decision to return to Owensboro, everything felt right in that moment in my heart, in my soul. My “head” argued to convince me not to walk away from all that I'd achieved, none of which left me feeling happy or fulfilled. A weight released, the burden of carrying/wearing a plan, perhaps even a facade, as designed by the Human Ego.

The feeling of inner certainty, an absolute knowing within of God's plan broke through the chaos that was my life when I opened myself up to listen. Once the message was received and accepted, when I surrendered to it, allowed myself to be in the flow of Life, things began to shift in my favor. All I had to do was be present, surrender, open myself up to receive, and allow.

I regret nothing of these last three years. All of it I value, despite how things ended, that things ended as they did. I wouldn't trade it because now, I know what it feels like to swim against the current. And I now know what it feels like to swim completely in the flow of Life. Now, it's easier. Joyous. Peaceful. Harmonious. Stress-free.

Yes, I'm excited about my life and 2012, and through this blog, I will share that excitement and all the year brings forth in my experience. I'm awake! I'm centered! I'm clear! I'm ready!

Fare Thee Well 2010

It’s time to bid farewell to 2010, and annually, I take time to reflect on the year’s highlights and lowlights; 2010 was an eleven-page document! No wonder I feel exhausted at this end of this year!

Lowlights included continuing life without my mother who passed in September 2009. While the grief eased considerably with time, it stirred up as the one-year mark of her transition neared. In taking time for myself in the month before the anniversary to heal, I moved through it with greater grace than I expected. Another lowlight was my love life, and its on- and off-again saga. In hindsight, I had no idea the extent of the drama I put myself through: an engagement, a broken engagement, a move into my own place, a “working things out” phase, and the constant harassment I endured after announcing “I’m done with all of this.” And yet even in the last month, I gave one more benefit of the doubt in offering another chance in response to pleas of desperation to turn things around. Thankfully, in a Kamikaze-style (self-sabotage that kills any chances of any future relationship, never mind contact, respect and trust) act on the part of the mastermind that has been the writer, director, and actor in this theater production, the curtain has finally closed. Of course, I recognize and acknowledge my role as co-star in this tragicomedy; now I know I should’ve bowed out after Act One started! But live and learn! While stressful, emotionally challenging, and extremely disappointing to watch someone I love show up less than authentically, even delusional, I am grateful for the learning and growth opportunity. I learned even more deeply the meaning of unconditional love and forgiveness. I also remembered once again that I can only change how I show up, and that I can’t change another, no matter how much I love him.

2010 highlights included the ever-increasing success of my business: Soaring Dove Connection/Healing Life Energy. Starting my business from the ground up in new and foreign territory in February 2010, I am humbled and honored by the amazing support of the spiritual, professional, and business community. I’ve never experienced such amazing generosity and warm welcome upon my arrival. I am blessed with fabulous clients whose spirits I adore, and who I enjoy getting to know better each time we meet. And I’m truly honored and blessed to be living my dream of serving others in my commitment and service to Spirit/God. Another highlight was the launch of the Mentoring program and the opportunity to witness six human beings expand their inner spiritual lights. In working with them, and all my clients, I give thanks daily to have the opportunity to see God’s beauty of each and every person who crosses the threshold of Soaring Dove Connection/Healing Life Energy. Another highlight of 2010 was my training with Healing Touch and the wonderful people I met in St. Louis, Asheville, and Loveland/Cincinnati. I have experienced professional growth as an energy therapist and in 2011, I forge ahead towards certification. I look forward to continued professional and personal growth as I grow as a energy healer, a business woman and a Source of Light on Planet Earth.



Another festive and fun highlight in 2010 was the fun I had with my "Gal-Pal Posse." (pictured here; check out the orb in our pic!) These former classmates and I enjoyed a couple of slumber parties (yes, middle-aged women still know how to have a good time!), several Friday after Five’s in Owensboro, swim parties, and a drive-in excursion, all of which were just what the soul doctor ordered for this woman’s exhausted soul spirit!

And so, we move into 2011; I invite you take some time before popping your champagne cork, and tooting those blow horns at midnight to take stock of your 2010. Doing so is very empowering when you see all the accomplishments and good times that were had. The lowlights don’t seem so bad when you position them against all the good stuff and blessings you enjoyed through the year. And when you see all the good stuff, you are empowered and motivated to want more, to go for more in 2011. After all, we are the Creator of our reality; God gave you and me this gift of Life, Creative Power of Choice, and personally, I’m going to make the most of it so that my choices and actions honor that gift. Won’t you join me? Celebrate 2010 and safely welcome 2011!

Happy New Year!