It has been a while since my last blog post. I haven't felt the call to write. I haven't felt the space to write. The Universe is opening that space, urging me to open my Third Eye, and challenging me in the latest shift of my Life. Read more below.
You never know what Life has planned for you. It all seems set, the path determined, and
then the God comes in like Emeril and
goes BAM! And suddenly you’re on a new path, a detour on which totravel.
My "determined" path was mapped out as follows: Move to Owensboro to take care of mom, then after a brief stay in Evansville/Newburgh, return to Owensboro to take care dad. Live in Owensboro until that time
comes to pass when Dad himself passes to a better Life, and no longer needs me.
Yet a new path has been assigned and I’m in this weird space
of uncertainty. I really hate that
space, don’t you? It means decisions
have to be made, and then doubts come up, the ones repressed by what you
thought was your path determined, a life defined.
- Doubts that beg the questions of what, when, where, how.
- Doubts that command I let go and let God do the figuring out of things.
- Doubts that have to be silenced so I may listen, and clearly hear the intuitive guidance of my Highest self.
- Doubts that stir impatience within, the need to know NOW, the need to know the answers so the waves of anxiety created by the tide of uncertainty can calm, ease the breathlessness, the knots in the stomach.
I have felt an uneasiness since summer. I have sensed major
changes and a shift making its way since early fall.
And in that knowing, I have felt myself spiraling downward into an eddy
of uncertainty and anxiety. Everything
around me, that which I felt confident and certain began imploding into a mass
destruction of complacency. I really
should’ve known not to become complacent, because when you do, it is like
Emeril’s frying pan over the head – BAM! You aren’t ready for it, even in the knowing
and sensing something was coming.
The whacks upside the head came one at a time.
BAM! - The overwhelming sense of depression,
hopelessness, along with the questions of why bother with life.
BAM! - A realization that I had not been myself lately at work, and was struggling with how to address it.
BAM! - The blindside confirming my realizations, but through the sense of feeling utterly thrown under the bus of just how awful person I
had become in my stress-induced life of hopelessness and depression.
BAM! - Believing I couldn’t feel and go any lower, my sole/soul purpose for returning to Owensboro – my father – must move two
hours east where he will be safer, and ultimately happier.
God had a plan and a hand in
each and every one of these unexpected mayhem experiences to ensure I return to the purpose driven path I am meant to travel during this life experience of mine.
Now in Owensboro, I am standing in the intersection of “Well
Shit” and “Now What?” God is inviting me to revisit my God-given healing and intuitive gift which I uncovered and discovered while in Colorado; this gift I chose to walk away from and shut down six years ago out of fear. I am being asked to open my Third Eye again for others, wider and more willingly than before; to see beyond what is, and to share this gift with others. I’m gulping as I lean into
this uncertainty, trusting and knowing God and my spirit guides shall provide clarity and guidance. I forgot how incredibly exasperating, yet humorous a ride these SHIfTs
can be. It’s been a while.
I’m buckling my seat belt and hanging on. See ya on the
other side.
