Sunday, August 29, 2010
It’s been two months since my last post! Time flies when you’ve been a S.H.I.T. – Spiritual Human in Transition. I learned of this acronym from friends who attended a Coptic ministry conference. I loved it because when we are on the spiritual path, and in energetic shifts of moving from lower vibrational ways of being (angry, upset, drama, etc.) to higher vibrational ways of being (loving, joyous, abundant, etc.), our Human Egos move into turmoil. Its turmoil is that it is no longer in control of us through fear, lack, insecurity, and doubt, and change from what’s comfortable though unproductive choices to those more productive can rock its world.
I have been a major S.H.I.T. off and on through this last year and a half; many of you know this journey, and for those who don’t, look back on posts from the last year and you’ll understand. I’ve been in this transitional space again these last two months, spiritually guided to clear clutter in my life: emotional clutter (relationships/grief), physical clutter (belongings/people), and mental clutter (choices/stinking thinking).
The one year mark of my mom’s transition from this life is this Friday, September 3. The last two months have been a vivid memory bank of emotion, imagery and heartache. These memories support my grieving and healing process. Someone commented on a June post that I will forever carry the sorrow of my mother’s death within me; that it will define me. I know I will carry the memory of my mother and her absence in my life with me, but I am not my sorrow, and I choose not to carry the energy of sorrow as a cross to bear, nor wear it as a badge. To carry such emotion within you is not healing, it is burdensome. Our Great Creator’s intention is for us to experience this lifetime in joy, love, abundance, peace and harmony. Only that part of ourselves called the Human Ego will counter against such a spiritual way, convincing us that our life, perceived through Human Ego eyes, is our burden to bear; it supports us living life as a victim. Our life’s journey is about freedom through healing, and our spiritual path is about freeing ourselves from such imprisonment of self-imposed burdens, and/or those imposed upon us by others.
I’ve also been hanging on with hope to a hopeless relationship; after finally accepting it for what it is, I decided to move on, since hanging on was getting me nowhere. Despite the heartache, I know spiritually this is the highest and best for both parties, though the emotional loss stings nonetheless.
Additionally, I’ve recently decided to face and heal a long standing flaw in my humanness that has existed since I was a teenager in high school: my addiction to food. Through these transitions of late, and through my entire life, I’ve been in an unhealthy relationship with food. Food never lets me down when I’m blue, upset, bored, lonely, happy, etc.; it’s there night and day, thick and thin; the lover (that I’ve not yet experienced in human form) that I can count on anytime, anywhere, 24/7, to be there for me. After decades of “lying to myself” and “turning a blind eye” to this hard reality, I’m facing it head on with professional help, and a humility that surrenders this addiction over to my Higher Power.
Mourning: That’s been the theme of my life this last year: the loss of a mother, what appeared to be a promising future with a romantic partner, and an emotional “lover” that has soothed me throughout the decades. Through these transitions, I’ve reached out for help and support. Our spiritual path is about healing but we can not be so arrogant to believe we can or should do it alone.
We are forever and always in choice around how we choose to move through our human experience. As humans, we will feel the sorrow, the heartache. It is what we were created to experience in the Earth plane; however, as spiritual beings in the human experience, we are created to understand and remember we are God expression, and the Spirit of God expresses not in sorrow, but in joy; not in lack or poverty, but in abundance; not in judgment but in compassion, not in chaos and upset but in peace; not in helplessness, but in personal empowerment; not in discord but in harmony.
We create our own Reality. I’ve allowed myself the human experience of grief and loss through these transitions. I choose not to accept this as my “burden” or way of being in my life, but to rise above the circumstances within it, and view it from a higher perspective; a perspective that is enlightened by the true Spirit of God, and who I Am as God expression.