Lessons from Falling Off a Horse

I recently took a spill off a horse named Pride. 

Pride is a tall, strong dark beauty, a steed that keeps me safe, high and mighty above all others who do not understand or see my way of thinking. Pride held me high within self-righteousness, above and beyond others and their hearts. But when enough hearts collectively feel hurt and anger, they come together as one to speak loudly against Injustice, the weapon that threatens the life of a mighty steed such as Pride.

Once on the ground and licking my wounds, feeling victimized and unappreciated, I protested because I knew I was right and they were wrong. I attempted to stand and remount Pride, taking offense and placing blame on everyone else. Pride huffed, stomping the ground with her hoof over the injustice, standing by to protect me as I found excuses and reasons for being thrown off my high horse. But in protecting me, Pride over zealously dealt a few blows, rearing in protest, knocking me down again as I attempted to stand against the perceived injustices. The harder I fought them, the harder Pride fought too, until her efforts to defend delivered a final blow; knocking me out, leaving me breathless and helpless in the muck and mire of the cold hard truth. If I stood once more, Pride would continue to fight, and ultimately, I would be battered and defeated. I realized then, until I sent Pride away, I would never recover from my fall.

We all have a high horse named Pride that misleads us into believing we are safely rooted in what we believe is the truth and that which we are unwilling to yield. A truth we are unwilling to acknowledge the remotest possibility that we could be wrong. A truth that tightly reins in our belief to make us feel okay; just within our choices, our behaviors, our actions, despite leaving others feeling hurt and unfairly treated. Pride allows us to sit tall, above all and others, protected from lowering ourselves to the level of those we’ve hurt, disappointed or upset. She keeps us from looking at these individuals and seeing their points of view, their perception of who we’ve been or what we’ve done through their own eyes. Pride protects us from realizing how we made others feel less than, misled, and worthless.  From this “above it all” mount, we take comfort in the unwillingness, even a reluctance to admit wrongdoing. Admitting we are wrong is tied to our sense of self-worth, because if we admit we are wrong, we perceive ourselves as weak. Pride protects us from coming down to a ground level and recognizing our weaknesses through the eyes of others.

Muddied, bruised and exhausted in my fight to get back into Pride's saddle, I finally realized through the eyes of those around me, I was wrong. I had been harsh, impatient and demanding towards those who felt unjustly treated. I thanked Pride, smacked her hindquarter, and sent her on her way, choosing to stand on the ground with those I had wronged so I may see myself through their eyes. I placed myself in their hearts, their shoes, and witnessed from their perspective how I had treated them. Only then did I realize I had stood in similar shoes during my lifetime with other authority figures, gently reminded how unjustly treated I had felt.

With this newfound perspective, I began the healing process of restoring my relationships with these individuals, as well as myself. I practiced the five languages of an apology (Gary Chapman) and humbled myself to accept responsibility for my actions with the promise to move among them rather than ride high above them. I apologized – not with a superficial “I’m sorry” but with heartfelt recognition of how I made them feel and by acknowledging my faults and mistakes. And more importantly, I asked for forgiveness. Forgiveness removes the barrier created by the offense and opens the door to restoring trust between two people, and thus the relationship. Without genuine contrition, without forgiveness, one may be able to move on from the experience, but the relationship may never be restored to its original dynamic.

Sitting high and mighty cost me the trust, respect and love of those I hurt. I now ride a beautiful white thoroughbred named Grace. With Grace, I ride alongside others, rather than above them, With Grace, I am connecting more deeply with them, deeply restoring our relationships. And now, I move through the process of forgiving myself.  By doing so, I allow myself to deepen a connection with myself, and God in a healthier, loving and self-respecting way. Grace keeps me grounded in God. Without her, my relationship with God, myself, and others would be forever diminished.

A Strong Woman

A Strong Woman. Many have different ideas or definitions about what a strong woman is in today's world. Strength is defined in many different ways: Muscle. Attitude. Status. Religious. Sense of Self. All elude to strength but offer different examples of how strength is demonstrated. Muscle strength is physical; a man or a woman can feel strong if he or she can physically overpower another, be it in an abusive relationship or in sports situation. Attitudinal strength may reflect a self-righteous “in your face” attitude, or a snobby condescending demeanor. Status strength reflects a variety of examples, including economic, financial, career position, even social position. Some feel having more of something - material things, money, influence, or friends in your corner - gives one position of strength to influence over another person or situation. There's religious strength, in which some with their belief doctrine of choice strong arm others into their way of thinking in the name of God, be it through pious judgment, having an “in” with God, or a pious righteousness that God's sword will "right" a situation. And finally, there's the Sense of Self – a concept many give little consideration.

The Sense of Self is an inner knowing of one's personal truth - who she is through and through. She knows her history, her role and responsibility in it, her strengths, her values, her human weaknesses. One recognizes the need to maintenance her sense of self through self-reflection, and is honest in this task, feeling no need to pretend to be someone she isn't. Her heart is open, unconditional, loving, and forgiving. A sense of self is strong because it's light – holding no resentment, no grudges, no self-pity. A strong sense of self affords comfort in one's own skin, flaws and all, and doesn't need to mask anything or be something she's not. A strong sense of self needs nothing outside of itself to feel valued or worthy; she meets her own needs, knows self-love, self-respect, and self-confidence without any outside validation.

The above quote about “A Strong Woman” describes a woman with a strong sense of self. Her principles are clear, those to which she holds herself without expectation of anyone and everyone to follow suit. A strong woman is honest with her emotions and about her own feelings, owning them rather than placing blame on others for experiencing them. With a strong sense of self, a woman opens her heart to healing, accepting responsibility for all her choices made in the past, forgiving herself and all others involved. With this healing, she is capable of feeling deeper love for and acceptance of others, no matter their personal choices or how they show up in her life. Through the healing of past experiences, she gleans wisdom, and when Life throws a curve ball, she digs into the wisdom held in her Sense of Self to find what she needs to manage her way through it towards love, forgiveness and peace again.

A strong woman passionately loves all, standing strong on behalf of those she loves and for herself in the strength of personal empowerment rather than in the overpowering of another. A strong woman's strength is quiet, internal, not the the swing of a sword, the cut of one's tongue or the stepping on or over another. Her inner strength is spiritual, as well as practical. Her strength is soft in its quiet presence within, but strong in its effectiveness. That inner strength allows her heart to open wide and love generously, freely, and deeply. When another attempts to hurt her, this same heart reconciles within itself, forgives, and loves anyway, but now standing stronger in her personal power. Strength is knowing one's own feelings and freely sharing them with others and with herself from the place of "I feel", fearlessly, honestly, genuinely to express one's truth, rather than from the place of "you make me" to hurt, blame, manipulate or coerce another.

Strength is indeed an essence within, a knowing of one self, an empowered sense of self. The Sense of Self takes time to develop; in many ways, it involves a rennovation, a tearing down and a rebuilding if one has suffered many years of heartaches, heartbreaks, carries unresolved grudges and resentments, or is consumed with anger and bitterness. This rebuilding shifts the outwardly swing of the sword, the slaying with words, the explosion of emotion as power to the quieter inner power of knowing, self-confidence, and solidified foundation of truth built with the bricks of values, character traits, principles and standards that support and reflects one's personal presentation of Self in the world.

A strong woman is one who feels deeply and loves fiercely. Her tears flow just as abundantly as does her laughter. A strong woman is soft and powerful. She is practical and spiritual. A strong woman in her essence is a gift to the world.

Spiritual Wisdom in Fishing for Men

I’ve been off and on the online dating sites now for just over a decade, joining when Match. Com became all the rage. My experiences with these sites have been less than wonderful as advertised on TV. I have heard of success stories but I’ve also heard some of these weren’t so successful after the marriage was in force.

I’ve done Match, Yahoo Personals, EHarmony, and a few others that were “one hit wonders”, and most recently, Plenty of Fish. My experiences have run the gamut: meeting those who want to dive right into a relationship after the first phone call, some who reel me in via email then once they have my number, disappear. Others have called a time or two then disappear with no explanation; then a few have made it to the first meeting, usually in a coffee shop, and then dissipate into thin air as if Scotty just beamed them up! I’ve also had a few I’ve met that looked nothing like their 10-year old college photo they posted. One dating relationship lasted all of two dates; a third date was scheduled but he was 30 minutes late, so I left, after which I got a call saying he was on his way, to hold tight, he'd be there in twenty. As if!

The last and most successful dating result, though an unsuccessful dating experience, lasted for ten months, and in hindsight, that was probably too long. In fact, I’m stretching it to say ten, as it was off and on, hot and cold, and borderline stalking for the last three months. In the last couple of years, trusting my own intuition around dating has been my greatest challenge. There were "red flags" and intuitive nudges early, early on in the “getting to know you” stage that I simply dismissed. My problem is I see the potential in someone and as a life coach and intuitive, I see beneath the surface their spirit, and the potential of what they are capable of being. I can detach from any expectations when I work with my students and clients as they move through their journey; but I’m still mastering letting go of that similar problem women have with “bad boys”: believing we can change them. I don’t date bad boys but I've noticed I'm dating men who are in need of healing. It’s what I’ve been attracting lately and I am re-evaluating how and why. It may simply be one of those job hazards I have to monitor more closely.

So, in the last relationship, I tried to “develop” him into his fullest potential and he was open to it; he’d play along for a very short while, then he’d rebel. Not one to give up a challenge, I continued to give many benefits of the doubt, second, third and fifteenth chances, all the while “coaching” him on how to implement change each time he wanted me back. Eventually, after my head started hurting from banging it against the wall, I got the long ignored intuitive message: Time to move on.

And so, I’m fishing the "plenty" of the sea again, and dusting off old dating lessons to revisit and review. The phrases my students and clients hear me say constantly I am now saying to my self daily: it (dating) is a process; don’t get attached to the outcome; don’t take things so personally! And in dating, I’m learning not to assume that once they are interested they will actually stick around. Message received, Spirit!

Once upon a time I had dating down to a science and was quite successful. A girl has to eat and I was well-fed when in Denver, and when I was fed up, figuratively speaking, of how things were going, I confidently said, "Thank you but no thanks. Next!" I’m embracing this approach again, and remembering how to weed the garden of possibilities. I can’t do anything about someone not showing up in this process, and in hindsight, I appreciate it happening on the front end v. half way through. And as for my latest online dating venture, I am grateful for the abundance of interest and responses I've had – overwhelming, to say the least. I guess there are plenty of fish in the sea. Here fishy, fishy, fishy.

I'm a S.H.I.T.

It’s been two months since my last post! Time flies when you’ve been a S.H.I.T. – Spiritual Human in Transition. I learned of this acronym from friends who attended a Coptic ministry conference. I loved it because when we are on the spiritual path, and in energetic shifts of moving from lower vibrational ways of being (angry, upset, drama, etc.) to higher vibrational ways of being (loving, joyous, abundant, etc.), our Human Egos move into turmoil. Its turmoil is that it is no longer in control of us through fear, lack, insecurity, and doubt, and change from what’s comfortable though unproductive choices to those more productive can rock its world.

I have been a major S.H.I.T. off and on through this last year and a half; many of you know this journey, and for those who don’t, look back on posts from the last year and you’ll understand. I’ve been in this transitional space again these last two months, spiritually guided to clear clutter in my life: emotional clutter (relationships/grief), physical clutter (belongings/people), and mental clutter (choices/stinking thinking).

The one year mark of my mom’s transition from this life is this Friday, September 3. The last two months have been a vivid memory bank of emotion, imagery and heartache. These memories support my grieving and healing process. Someone commented on a June post that I will forever carry the sorrow of my mother’s death within me; that it will define me. I know I will carry the memory of my mother and her absence in my life with me, but I am not my sorrow, and I choose not to carry the energy of sorrow as a cross to bear, nor wear it as a badge. To carry such emotion within you is not healing, it is burdensome. Our Great Creator’s intention is for us to experience this lifetime in joy, love, abundance, peace and harmony. Only that part of ourselves called the Human Ego will counter against such a spiritual way, convincing us that our life, perceived through Human Ego eyes, is our burden to bear; it supports us living life as a victim. Our life’s journey is about freedom through healing, and our spiritual path is about freeing ourselves from such imprisonment of self-imposed burdens, and/or those imposed upon us by others.

I’ve also been hanging on with hope to a hopeless relationship; after finally accepting it for what it is, I decided to move on, since hanging on was getting me nowhere. Despite the heartache, I know spiritually this is the highest and best for both parties, though the emotional loss stings nonetheless.

Additionally, I’ve recently decided to face and heal a long standing flaw in my humanness that has existed since I was a teenager in high school: my addiction to food. Through these transitions of late, and through my entire life, I’ve been in an unhealthy relationship with food. Food never lets me down when I’m blue, upset, bored, lonely, happy, etc.; it’s there night and day, thick and thin; the lover (that I’ve not yet experienced in human form) that I can count on anytime, anywhere, 24/7, to be there for me. After decades of “lying to myself” and “turning a blind eye” to this hard reality, I’m facing it head on with professional help, and a humility that surrenders this addiction over to my Higher Power.

Mourning: That’s been the theme of my life this last year: the loss of a mother, what appeared to be a promising future with a romantic partner, and an emotional “lover” that has soothed me throughout the decades. Through these transitions, I’ve reached out for help and support. Our spiritual path is about healing but we can not be so arrogant to believe we can or should do it alone.

We are forever and always in choice around how we choose to move through our human experience. As humans, we will feel the sorrow, the heartache. It is what we were created to experience in the Earth plane; however, as spiritual beings in the human experience, we are created to understand and remember we are God expression, and the Spirit of God expresses not in sorrow, but in joy; not in lack or poverty, but in abundance; not in judgment but in compassion, not in chaos and upset but in peace; not in helplessness, but in personal empowerment; not in discord but in harmony.

We create our own Reality. I’ve allowed myself the human experience of grief and loss through these transitions. I choose not to accept this as my “burden” or way of being in my life, but to rise above the circumstances within it, and view it from a higher perspective; a perspective that is enlightened by the true Spirit of God, and who I Am as God expression.

A Chapter's Close

It's been almost two months since my latest post; it's amazing how time flies. One year can pass quickly and yet be filled with so much. It was approximately one year ago that I prepared to return to Kentucky from Colorado to be with my mom and dad, and support mom through her dying process. It was during this year that I lost my job, ultimately a blessing far beyond the family circumstances, my mom, and came to accept that I would not be returning to my Colorado home and family of ten years so I may be a closer support for my dad. Add to list falling in love, getting engaged then unengaged, starting a new business, as well as a new life in Evansville/Newburgh, IN.

I’ve been a nomad of sorts this last year with my belongings stored in Colorado; I’ve lived in homes that have not truly been my own. As this year of upheaval comes full circle, I begin life anew in my own space, with my own belongings, and on my own terms. Upon return to retrieve my personal items, I’m received by my Colorado family who gather to show their love and support with an official send-off party. I experience mixed emotions for Colorado is my home, yet I’m pulled, called to be in Indiana. For family reasons? Yes, but for some greater purpose which has yet to be revealed.

So for now, I soak in the beautiful Colorado weather, rejuvenate in its higher altitudes and vibrations, and re-energize in the warmth and love of my dear friends, as I prepare for this final phase which closes one chapter before moving into the next. Colorado will always be home sweet home, where my heart truly is. But I surrender and embrace this next leg of my journey with gratitude and grace, trusting the calling of Spirit and my heart.

What Would Buddha Do When a Loved One Dies?

I just sent the April Soaring Dove Connection newsletter that discusses the loss of a loved one and how those of us left behind are left wondering if he or she is okay and how to go on without them. If you haven’t had a chance to read it, or if you do not receive it on a regular basis, please click here. I write this blog as a follow up.

I recently acquired a wonderful book called What Would Buddha Do? An interesting take on the popular “What Would Jesus Do,” it takes the teachings of Buddha and breaks down the many areas of life, such as love, insecurity of self, doing the right thing, walking life’s path, to name but a few, expanding the teaching from a modern perspective. Ironically, I just opened this book to the section of love, and came across the question: “What would Buddha do when a loved one dies?” I wanted to share the teaching through this venue as a follow up to the April issue of Soaring Dove's eNewsletter.

“Not through weeping and grief do we obtain peace of mind. We increase misery; we harm our bodies. We become thin and pale, destroying ourselves by our own power.” Sutta Nipata 584

Buddha doesn’t intend that we as humans are not to mourn our loss through tears, for as humans, our feelings do demand expression, regardless of whether that expression brings embarrassment or tears to us or those who watch. Consider how you feel when you or another is expressing his or her grief. Are you uncomfortable because you have not fully grieved a loss? Are you embarrassed to share your feelings lest you feel vulnerable and weak? Are you in touch with your emotions about the loss or have you steeled yourself against them in order to be strong as our society demands and even expects it?

When life ends, we do need to mourn, but once we have faced and expressed our grief, we have to let it go. This is the challenging part for many of us; we want to hold on to our grief, which means that we are holding on to the one whose loss prompts the grief. After awhile, this emotionally-gripping attachment drains us and prevents the direction of our energy of love to someone or something else and/or new in our life. Grief is indeed a process, but when we hang on to it as the theme for our personal (often unconscious) agenda to unproductively hold us hostage to victimization and self-pity, we then misuse our personal power, and begin that process of self-destruction that Buddha speaks of in the above teaching.

Our letting go of our loved one and moving on with living our life does not dishonor his or her memory, for we forever remain attached to him or her in love through our hearts. In doing so, we honor all that their presence contributed in our journey during which time we mutually shared a path. They continue to live through us and our personal expression of power; sometimes this is expressed positively and/or unproductively. Regardless, when we can heal our hearts, we can begin to understand that we are always and forever One with our loved one who once served, and who continues to serve us as a teacher, even when physically absent in our life.

Avatar - A Metaphysically Spiritual Movie on Oneness

I admit I am not one to get caught up in blockbuster crazes. Even as a teen when Star Wars hit the theaters and hours were waited in the hopes of getting a ticket, I just wasn’t that into the hoopla; I bided my time until lines shortened before I saw the movie and became impressed. Not much has changed thirty years; I still don’t get caught up in the blockbuster hoopla and in fact, am usually content to wait until it comes out on Netflix. So when Avatar premiered, I paid little attention to it. I raised an eyebrow when my fifty-something year old gal-pal Jane, who I never thought was a sci-fi film fan said she'd seen it, fell in love with it, raved about it, and encouraged me to see it while in the movie theater. Well, okay then.

That’s been a few months ago, and I just got around to seeing it yesterday. WOW! WOW! And DOUBLE WOW! Aside from the technology used to create the film, and its sheer beauty enhanced through the 3-D experience, the film’s story is powerful! A story about the importance of Oneness, family, belonging to something that is larger than all of us. Surprisingly, Avatar was my kind of film, and I give kudos to James Cameron for producing such a powerful film that delivers a timely and powerful message to us all. The question is: are we getting it?

I imagine I am the last to see this film but just in case, here’s a brief synopsis. A paralyzed young man, Jake Sully, is recruited to take his deceased brother’s place in a science research project on Pandora, in which a human’s Intelligence (mind and soul) can be transported into an alter-ego body of the planet’s humanoid race called the Na'vi. On Pandora, we Earthlings, with little regard or respect to the Na'vi, their planet, or their way of life, are mining for resources beneath a key life foundation; why? Because Earthlings drained Mother Earth dry leaving her barren and lifeless. A military presence is there to protect the miners, and prepare to “remove” by any means the Na'vi out of their way to access the richest source of supply. The Avatar project is a diplomatic effort to negotiate for the resources, in order to facilitate peace and prevent genocide of the Na'vi; however, Sully is recruited by the military to spy and find their “weaknesses” so they can launch an attack to wipe out the Na'vi. But Sully falls in love with their world, their way of life which honors all of Life as One – even in the kill for food, and of course, Neytiri, his female mentor who teaches him the way of her people.

Sound familiar? The parallels are not coincidental as we remember the mass clearing of the Native American population in the late 1800’s; there’s even a General Custer character that fights until the end to win the war of greed, arrogance, and self-righteousness. In the movie, the Na'vi reclaim their planet and send the Earthlings packing. Not as happy an ending in our real world example.

So, how is this metaphysically spiritual? The Na'vi honor their Source, in this case, a feminine energy named Eywa. Oneness and connection of all is demonstrated in ceremonies. A respect for all of life is demonstrated for their planet Pandora, especially nature and the animals, even those that are hunted and killed. There are “spiritual blessings” that grace the Sully, signs from Eywa that encourage the Na'vi to embrace him into their lives and teach them their ways. There is a sacred place of souls that connects to ancestral history, where wisdom and knowledge many be gained through conscious connection and listening. There are so many beautiful reflections of the Universal Truths in this movie, to many to mention here but if you are at all seeking a higher way of living, of being One with all of Life, in showing up for Mother Earth and in our world for the highest and best of all in it, I encourage you to see this film. I’m not a sci-fi fan but this wasn’t about science fiction, it was about Life, and that Source that provides it and in which we are all connected.

I never pay for the same ticket twice to see a movie, but in this case, I will be paying $19 again to see Avatar before it leaves the theaters. I know I missed a great deal of the subtext, the beauty, and little touches that the filmmakers seemed to cover with a fine tooth comb. The magic of seeing this movie on the big screen is worth the ticket price for the at-home experience will never match it. And its messages are powerful, and my hope is that we all sit up and listen to them with great care. I encourage you to go see Avatar, taking your open heart and mind with you, and preparing them both to be touched powerfully like no movie has ever touched you before.

Thanksgiving - More than Turkey and Football

The holidays are a time for family, and this year, my family will be forever altered with the absence of my mom this Thanksgiving holiday. I've missed many Thanksgivings with my family while in Colorado, and today, twinges of regret come up that I didn't make more of them. But then I remember the many wonderful Thanksgivings I've spent with families of close friends, co-workers and even acquaintances that opened their home upon learning I had no plans for the holiday. I've had the pleasure of serving others who have no means to enjoy the luxury of Thanksgiving dinner, much less a family or a place to call home. In remembering these times I was without my family, I remember how I contributed, and allowed others to contribute to the magnificence of my journey.

I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir when I say that Thanksgiving is more than football, parades and turkey dinner. But I know that many miss the simplest of blessings to count. We have all, at some point in our life, done the standard expression of thanks that includes our family, our loved ones, having a job, and our health. But I challenge EVERYONE to take their blessings to a deeper level, to things that you may naturally overlook and even take for granted. Give thanks for the ability to breathe easy, walk on your own two legs, and the hands that carve your turkey. Express gratitude for the roof over your head, no matter what that looks like, for you are safe from the elements of winter weather. Give thanks for employment, regardless of how irritating your co-workers are, what grievances you have with the "powers that be;" give thanks for an income and health benefits (no matter what that looks like!!) that support your efforts to provide for your family, your well-being, and your financial needs. For those of us who are unemployed, give thanks for unemployment benefits that support us, even nominally in transition; say thank you for the part-time job, no matter what it is, and know your efforts in that help others, somehow, some way, even if it's asking "would you like fries with that?" Give thanks for those who ask you, "would you like fries with that." Express appreciation for the opportunities to figure out what's next, the support of loved ones during these times of transition, for their prayers, words of encouragement and unconditional love. Give thanks that you live in a country where you have the freedom of speech, even if it's considered misguided or disagreed with by others. Give thanks for men and women who sacrifice time with their own family to serve our country in the name of freedom. Be grateful for a government that doesn't take you jail when you speak out against it. Express gratitude for a working vehicle, running water, and working toilet. Say "thank you" for the smiling children, the unconditional love of pets, and the beauty of nature around us. Give thanks for all that you've experienced, and the learning and growth opportunities, and the ability to choose an open willing mind and heart to make changes that serve you better, despite current circumstances that seem unfair, unjust, and uncomfortable.

You get the point; dig deeper to express gratitude for the many, many things we take for granted. Dig deep within your heart; see beyond the obvious for those blessings, large and small, grand and simple. And give thanks daily, not just on Thanksgiving. For with expression of gratitude, we invite more blessings into our life. Our expression signals to God our willingness to have more abundance, our willingness to receive it.

This year, I have so much to give thanks for, despite the trials and tribulations this journey has offered. I give thanks to the many, many, many people who have said a prayer, sent emails, and love and light in support of me and my family around my mother's illness and death; you know who you are. I count my blessings in the challenges that have left me reeling, and the opportunities they afford me through the closing of so many doors. I'm grateful for the love I feel, the love I receive, and the means to manage these transitions I am experiencing. I give thanks that I was able to help my mom feel more comfortable, brighten her final days, and the honor to support her in her crossing over. I give gratitude for that Spirit within me that is God Expression. My love to you and yours, and many more blessings to feel grateful for in the coming year.

Happy Birthday, Mom

Today would’ve been my mom’s 70th birthday. I knew today may be touch and go for me emotionally. I met my dad and we enjoyed lunch at one of her favorite restaurants, per his suggestion. Then we went to the cemetery to pay our respects, honor her and wish her a happy birthday. And shortly, I will be attending my first grief support meeting; why? In part to know I’m not going crazy when I have these grief-filled burps of emotion, and to better understand the process and to connect with others who are also moving through it.

Do you remember the scene in movie The Princess Bride when Westley and Buttercup are moving through the Fire Swamp? During their journey, unexpected spurts of fire would burst up from the ground, out of nowhere. I’m finding that grief is like a journey through the fire swamp with unexpected hits of emotion that come quite suddenly and strongly. It is an edginess that lowers my patience, or increases my irritability and defensiveness over the silliest things. It's a power surge that drains my joy, and a geyser of emotion bubbling up and pouring forth as tears. These blindsides of grief leave me feeling off balance and out of sorts; just not myself.

In these four months following my mother’s passing, we are moving through birthdays (both my dad’s and mom’s), my parent’s anniversary, and two major holidays. These are the “big ones” I’ve heard others who have lost loved ones describe as the most challenging. Is it a blessing to go through these “big ones” so quickly and in such a short amount of time or a curse?

I choose to consider it a blessing – for me personally, it allows me to “lean into it.” “It” meaning the grief, while I have the time and space in which to adjust to the absence of my mom in my life, to heal and purge all the emotion I feel around it. Perhaps then I can move forward, cleansed and more light-hearted. I’m not naïve enough to believe that my grieving will be complete after the first four months but it is my hope that it will not nearly as intense as it has felt the last two months. Time will only tell.

I’ve been told that the first year after the loss of the loved one is the hardest. With each 3rd of the month that passes, I give thanks for one more month behind the loss, counting how many are left in that “first year.” However, I don’t think I’ll ever get over wanting to hold my mom’s hand, exchange mother-daughter hugs and kisses, pick up the phone to talk about our respective days, share confidences, and just gab for the sake of gabbing. And I guess in a way, I don’t want to get over wanting those things with my mom, for I wonder that if I do, am I shifting into having taken it all for granted? I don’t know the answer, and intuitively, I don’t think so. But I do know I feel her constantly around me; she’s visited a couple of times in my dreams, and converses with me often. So, I will adjust to just being with her in this different way, and know that whatever I need moving forward as a motherless child, I can find with the love and support of my friends and family who are mothers of their own children.

Namaste.

In the Abyss of Uncertainty

The day is gloomy. Silence surrounds me as I watch out my patio door the rain fall from the sky. Water, an element of change, reflects the emotional body. It encourages us to open ourselves to all things, even to things we dislike or that feel bad. Water teaches us to accept all that life brings while simultaneously choosing to act for positive change. Many of us are experiencing transitions, crossroads that invite us on a path in our journey. These crossroads provide us with opportunities to shift to a higher and more meaningful way that truly reflects the Divine Within, the potential to show up the essence of our spiritual beings, as creations of God.

Yet as spiritual beings in the human experience, we show up in the humanness of the journey. Fear. Anger. Anxiety. Self-righteousness. Blame. Judgment. Self-pity. It is natural. It is normal to feel such angst in the midst of great changes. We must honor the humanness of others and of our self as we show up in the human experience. The shift takes place in our consciousness.

Consciousness is a self awareness; an awareness of how we are “showing up” in our lives and with others, and with this information, then making different choices that shift/lift our energy vibrations. Ideally, the shift will move us from a lower vibration zone, which can feel burdensome, thick and heavy in our physical bodies, bitterness and biting in our moods, and generate “stinking thinking” of negative, judgmental and critical thoughts about ourselves and/or of others. Shifting into a higher vibration zone feels lighter and provides us with a sense of inner peace and relaxation, melting away stress and anxiety and instilling within us a sense that God has our back. This shift moves us more deeply into faith. Shifting takes place when we surrender all our worries, our questions without answers, our fears and “what ifs” over to God/Universe, which then opens a channel to receiving God’s guidance, thus creating space for God to work magic in our lives. Surrendering is letting go of the “shoulds;” attachments to how it all should look like, how it should unfold and how everyone around us should be showing up around us. Stop "shoulding" on yourself! Surrendering is letting go of needing to control everything and everyone in our own life. Coercion is an act of force, to compel something. The practice of coercion around our circumstances demonstrates a separation from God; through impatience, we demonstrate a lack of faith. When we coerce changes, (often impulsively out of fear, worry, anxiety, upset and desperation) that serve our human Ego driven agendas, we cut God out of the equation, leaving little to no room for God to creatively work on our behalf, for us, and through us.

It’s important to understand that surrendering does not mean “doing nothing!” It takes great courage, regardless the perception of our human eyes, to hold steady in faith that everything is absolutely Divine Perfection, and to know God is present through it all. As we move into surrender, we open ourselves up to receiving Divine inspiration, to be guided into right action around what to do differently, more productively, and from a place of greater Self awareness.

Our level of Consciousness is the key to how gracefully we maneuver through challenging times. When we are wrapped up in the lower vibration zone of human emotion, we can not see the forest for the trees. But with effort, and in setting an intention to become more self-aware, we can begin put on the brakes, and step back, breathe and check in with ourselves around how we are showing up in the moment. Taking a time out is a great tool to raise our self awareness. Meditation following the situation can help us to tune in and reflect on what just transpired. Journaling is also a great tool for processing what’s happening, how it feels and how different choices could nurture a more positive experience moving forward.

Whether its rain or tear drops falling today, whether its staying under a hot shower a little longer or enjoying a long hot bath, whether we’re in a swimming pool or in the Atlantic, we are invited by water to take a moment and reflect from a higher place of awareness to not only open up, but how to open up more fully to a positive change. Opening up, just as surrender, is not a passive, discouraged acceptance of our inner world or outer reality, but a courageous shift into trusting the new life that is expressing and unfolding through us.

Embracing Differences for Greater Self Discovery

Life is good. It’s not without its challenges, but choosing how to manage those challenges can determine whether we make life even better. Life’s challenges are healthy, though not always enjoyable. I use the word “challenge” as opposed to “problem,” “headache,” or “pain in the ass,” for challenge holds a neutral energy. From a place of neutrality, we can determine through our choices if it becomes charged to the positive or the negative in our experience.

When presented with a challenge, we may immediately feel lower energies of upset, hurt, doubt, paranoia, anger, or irritability, to name a few. This natural human reaction is triggered by our human Ego which holds a rolodex of past experiences (and even past lives) that remind us of memories which influences how we choose in any given situation. The challenge at hand offers many opportunities, including reevaluation of our belief systems and attitudes, a balance between what we say and how we actually show up in our choices and actions, and whether we need to render forgiveness to ourselves or towards others in past or current experiences for healing.

From a lower state of consciousness, we may choose to hang onto or wallow in the upset; this choice is driven by our human Ego which is designed to protect us from uncomfortable experiences. While the challenge itself may be uncomfortable, more uncomfortable (I know, it’s an oxymoron but the human Ego and Spirit do work collaboratively!) is looking deeply within and realizing we’ve been living lie; misguided self-perceptions created through adopted beliefs imposed upon us by our parents, friends, culture, religion, media or society which could suddenly, no longer resonate as our truth, which can really rock our world. We may realize we were incorrect in our self-perception and our perceptions of others and the world. Being wrong doesn’t work for our human Egos. It’s easier to be “right” and miserable than to rock our world with inquiry and open-mindedness in the spirit of seeing things differently than what we believe we perceive is right. Unfortunately, the only impetus for choosing inquiry and self-reflection with objective honesty is often stimulated by the depth of despair, in how miserable we are and what we tolerate in our life. How effective is such a pattern of letdowns, upsets, or misery in offering us peace and happiness in our life?

Recently, I have been challenged by criticism and persecution around my life choices and beliefs, to which I, of course, naturally became defensive. Immediately recognizing that energy, I chose to step back before overreacting in a tit-for-tat Ego mentality. Through meditative prayer and self-reflection, I “entered into thy closet”, my Heart to better understand my challengers and myself, while consciously remembering that we are all One in God. I opened my heart and mind to whatever Divine Guidance and insight I needed around the situations. In doing so, I understood that one particular past experience in my life triggered my reaction, and through this revelation, realized I had some deeper work to do around fully trusting my heart and its inner knowing. I understood there was unfinished business of forgiveness to offer to facilitate healing around another past experience.

I am also being called to open up my heart and mind even more deeply to unconditional acceptance of differing belief systems without feeling persecuted. I understand that those differing viewpoints do not change my Truth, yet healthy reflection on those differences deepen my awareness of my Truth; additionally it facilitates within me greater love and respect in knowing God expresses uniquely within and through those differences. I can now more fully and deeply trust in my Heart, which supports my personal empowerment when faced with condemnation and criticism of by those whose opinions stem from their own rolodex of past experiences.

The beautiful thing about our life’s challenges is that they serve as mirrors which are gifts from God to reflect back to us one of two things, depending on the situation: a reflection of what is left to be healed within us, and/or what we need to know about ourselves and how we are showing up in our life, as demonstrated by the challenge before us. How self aware through honest and objective reflection can help us shift our life from one of strife and stress to one of peace and harmony. When we rely solely on outside sources and information for our truth, and question nothing within our Hearts, that place where God’s Truth is housed, we agree to what we are told, and close the door to enlightenment. And even through this self-reflection, what we know and believe still resonates with us, then yea us! At least we stepped outside of our box (and the box others put us in) of what we think we know and checked in with other possibilities of what could be.

The Golden Rule, do unto others as you would have them do unto you, speaks to not only actions, but how we regard other. When we impose upon others what we think they need to believe or how they should live, we show disrespect for another’s journey, their freedom of choice, and what they are here to experience in their lifetime. When we share from an open place of what we personally know and have experienced, we share a part of our heart. It’s all in how it is presented; being open to embracing differences, without a personal agenda, supports the spirit of unconditional love and acceptance. This sharing of differences usually invites a respectful and open dialogue of inquiry, though not always. Through this blog, and in all of my writings, I strive to share information from what I have learned through personal and spiritual experience; whether it resonates with the reader is up to the individual reader. I do not expect anyone to adopt as their own my beliefs as reflected in my shares. My only hope is that something within my personal experience and insights resonate with you, the reader, in support of your own journey. Our journey and the life we experience ultimately lies with each of us, and how we choose to create it.

As for me and my latest challenges, I’m excited by them, for they offer me the opportunity to grow personally and spiritually, to deepen my faith and trust in my Divine Guidance, and better understand differences while continuously checking in with my own personal truths. These challenges teach me to live One in God with everyone in all situations and experiences, rather than from a place of separation in the form of defensiveness and judgment. I value the teachers I encounter in my life, and give thanks for all that they do to deepen me in my Spiritual Truth.

Finding Gratitude in Challenging Times

We’ve all had times when we are just feeling dumped on by life’s experiences. We even get dumped on by other’s less than productive life experiences, which if we are not careful, can energetically take us down with them in the lower vibration whirlpool.

Making a concerted effort to look at what’s right in our life can help us shift up our feelings; finding something for which to be grateful every day will shift relatively quickly those lower vibrations of lack, victimization, fear, upset, anger, blame, and limitation. Whether you have lost a loved one through death or divorce, lost or hate a job, got caught up in someone else’s bad day, lost financial footing, or are generally feeling lost in your life, how we productively or unproductively move through these experiences create our future experiences, moving forward. When we focus on what’s wrong with our lives, what’s missing, and what should have, could have or would have been only sends us spiraling further downward into a sinkhole of lower vibration, the Muck Zone, which then activates attraction of even more “crap” and “loss” into our life.

Rather than spending energy pondering, wallowing, and living in what’s not right with our lives, we must shift our focus on what we have to be grateful for within it. Personally, there have been moments in my life where all I could muster in gratitude was that I was breathing, my dogs were healthy, I had $3 dollars in the bank, I have my eyesight and hearing, and the sun is shining. Finding more gratitude became a stretch, but with focused and conscious effort to appreciate what was good in my life, I began to feel better (raise my vibrations) and release the mucky feelings (lower vibrations) around my life’s challenges. An “attitude of gratitude” shifts the energy to a higher vibration of what’s good, which then leads to gradually attracting greater good into life.

The Universe knows the difference between lip service and genuine feelings of gratitude. Though when in the pits of despair, it may feel silly to be grateful that the light bulbs work or that you have a full head of hair, truly appreciating what we’ve got going for us honors the presence of God’s goodness in our life, and opens us up to receiving more. We must truly believe in that which we have going for us; as we build that momentum of thankfulness, we feel positive shifts in our vibrations, and unproductive energies release to make room for more enjoyable and meaningful opportunities.

We sweat the small stuff of what’s not right too much; honor the small stuff that’s good in our life. These small building blocks lead to building a greater foundation for goodness that we yearn and deserve in our life. Shifting out of a bad attitude into one of gratitude keeps us focused in the present, and begins the process of creating a more positive future, one moment at a time.

Don’t just “think” gratitude, but write those things for which you are grateful down in a notebook or journal to make it concrete and real to the human Ego which generates our lower vibrating emotions. Start with ten expressions of gratitude, keeping them short and sweet: I’ve got a job. Met a nice woman standing in the grocery line. Had calm conversation with the ex. The following week, bump the list up to fifteen expressions and be amazed at how easy it is to do.

Keeping a daily Gratitude Journal is a good meditative practice, even when things are going good, for we keep open the possibilities of even greater abundance through continuous gratitude. Gratitude helps us clear our head of life’s icky appearances and opens our eyes to seeing our situations with a healthier perspective, which facilitates productive problem-solving and the healing of our hearts around the experience.

I am grateful for you reading my Blog. I am grateful to serve as a messenger of Spirit. I am grateful for my life and all its experiences, and to know more deeply my Spiritual Truth of I Am. Namaste.

Love and Light.

Anatomy of Losing A Loved One

Many of you who have been following my blog know my mom recently passed from this life on Thursday, September 3rd. A dear friend suddenly lost her dad this week, and I now know, better understand the experience she and her siblings will go through upon losing a parent. Each experience of loss is different for each of us, and depends on the kind of relationship we had with the loved one. And each of us will handle differently what transpires following the loved one’s death; but I’m sharing my personal experience of dealing with the loss in the days and weeks that have followed so that you who have not been through such a loss (blessedly!) can better understand in some small way what we who have experienced it go through. It doesn’t even begin to touch upon “living the experience” but I’m hopeful you can better appreciate why friends going through such a loss might withdraw, become non-responsive and check-out, become brooding and moody, not seem themselves and out of sorts for any given amount of time.

Upon my mom’s transition, my dad, brother and I were with her when she drew her last breaths. I have never seen someone transition, never having been present when another human being left this Earthly realm. It wasn’t what I expected; it has replayed in my mind many times, and now and again, continues to do so. It’s one of those moments etched in your memory that you will forever recall. The sound of the final gasps of breath. The gurgling of each breath. The body’s strain to take them. My mother’s face as she did so. It brings tears to my eyes to think of it, even at this writing, but I am grateful I was there to be with her, support her as she left this world into the next glorious Realm.

The week and plus days that followed was like being in a time warp, but it felt like we were on Novocain. We were all numb, and immediately after mom’s passing, there were final arrangements to attend to, which provided us with some distraction. But we also had time on our hands before we moved into the visitation and funeral service phase. In the time leading up to these events, we found distraction in the company of family members, loved ones, and DVD’s. We found comfort in the endless supply of food that people brought over. But the visitation and funeral service: I dreaded these two days for I knew it would be intense. The resentful human part of me didn’t want to do any of it. We are physically and emotionally drained from the loss. And we are not only managing our own emotions over this loss, but we are called upon during these times to support others expressions of loss, those who are also saddened. I didn’t want to hear words of encouragement and comfort that really didn’t feel helpful or comforting. We must also manage others’ discomfort with death, and their loss of their friend in mom. But in support of my father, and in honor of my mother, I resolved to open my heart and mind to the experience, releasing all human angst over to the Universe, and moved into being in every moment of the experience. I found the strength and energy from God Within to move through each moment with ease and grace.

Many people came to pay their respects to the family, and we were touched to learn just how well so many people thought of mom. I personally was touched and amazed at all who came to the visitation; people I hadn’t seen since grade school – teachers, family of childhood friends, classmates, and so many others. The days were long, but filled with the support and love of family, locally and from out of town. Sunday evening after the visitation, our house was filled with approximately 50 family members, young and old, to enjoy food and company. It made for a long tiring day but it offered relief in the form of laughter. It also helped us sleep through the night on the eve of the funeral.

The funeral service had been planned by mom prior to the deterioration of her health. One of the blessings our family enjoyed in all of this was mom getting all her ducks in a row around her affairs. This in and of itself was one of many greatest gifts she gave us before her earthly departure. Funeral arrangements and all the details had been previously made; finalizing them after her death was a formality and effortless. The funeral service she planned, down to the music and who would speak was beautiful, and we’ve received so many compliments. It was a relief to have that closure; but with one door closed, another door opens into the next phase of the loss.

The week following the funeral, we are all still slightly numb mixed with a bit of shock and awe. But we had more to do - thank you notes to those who sent flowers, contributions, etc. My brother and his wife, dad and I sat down and took care of the business. It wasn’t quite a week since mom passed but it seemed that so much taken place in such a short period of time. It seemed surreal. The one week mark hit on Thursday, and slowly, the numb feeling began to fade and the reality of mom’s absence made itself known, along the pain that accompanies the loss. I managed to distract myself much as possible through the weekend, but my façade of being “okay,” along with my intention to “move on” began cracking under the pressure of grief bubbling to the surface. One week and a day after mom’s passing, my brother and his wife returns home to Frankfort and their lives, leaving Dad and I at the house where we’d been in service of mom for two months, and for Dad, even longer. One week after burying my mom, ten days after my mom died, all emotional hell broke loose for me; I crashed and burned for two days, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

It’s just been six weeks since mom crossed over. Two weeks after her death, I left town and headed to South Dakota and Colorado for a getaway. Several Interstates experienced my tears as I sobbed like a baby whenever I thought of my mom, saw something that reminded me of her, or I felt my mom’s presence around me. The emotion purged up uncontrollably steamrolling through me, at times. I cried even more upon my arrival to Colorado, and in the nurturing and loving arms of my spiritual family and support group. The trip was good, for it allowed me the space to process mentally, spiritually and emotionally the loss, and my life without my mom in it. Upon my return, I finally crashed physically, as all the energies of the grief manifested through a head cold, forcing me to stop, sit still, rest my body and sleep; it was the most I’d sat still since I came home in July to care for mom.

Life goes on. Each Thursday, I feel a heaviness come over my heart, for mom was Thursday’s child (born and died on Thursday). I watch a DVD and see someone losing a loved one, and in hypersensitivity, I break down in more expression of grief, thus missing several minutes of the movie. I’m feeling more myself, but then I’m touched by another’s personal loss, such as my dear friend. My heart aches with an understanding of what she’s experiencing, and her sense of responsibility she’ll feel to forge ahead as a pillar of strength for the family and the community, when you really just want to curl up in a corner and cry like a baby. And lately, I experience “what if” moments, when I wonder, what if I’d been home more often to spend more quality time with her, what if she’d met my Beloved, and what if she’d gotten to do more of the things she’d wanted to do. It’s part of the process; and I gently think the thoughts, and then gently let them go. This is the key to moving through the grief and keeping one’s sanity within it.

As for supporting those of us experiencing such a loss, just listen to us share our feelings, and acknowledge them. Don’t tell us what we need to do to get through the grief; even if you’ve been through it personally, remember we each handle our grief uniquely. Tell us you are available for us to call and talk to you, and that you’re happy to listen and share your own experiences if we want to hear them. Hold us when we are crying, tearing up, and even when we are being unreasonable and irrationally out of sorts for the situation at hand. Just a simple hand on the shoulder or back to reassure us we’re not alone in this is helpful. Be patient with us, understanding and just asking “what can I do for you?” Tell us it is okay to be sad and to cry; don’t tell us “you’ve got to move on.” When its appropriate, help us get out, keep busy with a project; there’s an appropriate time for us to wallow in the emotion, but help us move out of it by bringing over supper, a DVD and popcorn, or an art project. And ask us questions about the loved one, especially if you didn’t know him or her well. We love to talk about our loved ones we’ve lost, for it helps us stay connected to them in a different and new way; don’t think it’s too painful to bring the loved one up to us, and yes, we may even cry when we do talk about them, but that’s okay. You just need to be okay with it if we do. Know that we are in pain as we watch other family members left behind go through this loss too. Watching my dad move about this house, alone and without my mom for the first time in 45 years is heartbreaking. He relied on mom for a great deal, and he misses her presence, her company a lot. We all do. So know we are feeling empathy pain of another’s grief, which leaves us feeling helpless to our loved ones, as well as our own grief.

For me, I’m feeling more like myself, but I still need support. I have a wonderful man who catches me when I collapse under the heartache, but I also need to know what I’m feeling is normal, healthy; so I’ve found a grief support group to connect with so that I’m feeling less alone in this muck. If you are not sure how to support someone in grief, get educated. There’s a wonderful Grief Library at Owensboro’s Glenn Funeral Home’s website, www.glennfuneralhome.com, by a specialist who resides in Colorado. Or go to a grief support group with your friend; he or she will appreciate your support in this way.

I’ve never lost someone so close to me before until the passing of my mom. I’ve lost dogs, grandparents, even an uncle, but this relationship was the greatest loss I’ve experienced. I appreciate the support I’ve received; but I’m not done grieving. Just know we appreciate your love and support continuously, even if we look like we’re doing okay.

The Vast Pit of the Unknown

There are times in life when everything seems uncertain, and we are, in every way, left in limbo, hanging perilously over a crevice of the unknown. You know this limbo if you have ever lost your job unexpectedly; lost a loved one; pulled up roots and moved to a new town or state; finished an educational chapter in your life(i.e. college, high school) and/or preparing to move into a new career; started a new family; lost a family; divorced; started a new relationship; or collapsed under financial blows, just to name a few. Personally, I am hanging over one of the biggest canyons of the unknown that I’ve ever encountered in my life.

These crossroads are opportunities if we allow them to be; endings and beginnings from which we can learn so much about ourselves and our hearts if we consciously take the time for introspection. These times of limbo are challenging, tiring, overwhelming and frankly, extremely frustrating and unsettling. And yet in that energy, we can productively or unproductively handle ourselves in many different ways. And regardless of anything, how we move through the experience ultimately determines how long we stay stuck in the middle of that crossroad, how well we move out of it, and how easily we manage the next challenge as we move along in our journey. Trust me there are always more crossroads in the journey.

I am currently experiencing a “super-sized” helping of limbo in my life. I stand not just in one crossroad but multiple crossroads that leave me turned around without any sense of knowing what direction to head, never mind what lies before me as options in my journey. As you may have read previously, my mom is dying, and she will be experiencing the ultimate of transitions as she moves into new Life beyond this physical existence. When we the living experience life transitions, we have an opportunity to change our own existence, a new way of showing up in life, a way that expresses more fully, more brightly that Light Within each of us, that who we truly are.

Shamanism is an ancient spiritual practice of indigenous tribes. The Shaman, in many cases, literally experiences a physical death and rebirth, and/or an extreme spiritual death and rebirth through a major life-changing event. Through this experience, the Shaman is said to have greater insight and wisdom of Life that is revered within the tribe. I have moved through what feels like many shamanistic experiences in my life, in which I have felt scrubbed clean of old beliefs, Egoistic perceptions of who I am; such cleansings have led to healing my heart, while simultaneously filling it with love and forgiveness. These experiences, and my work on Self, released old and unhealthy energies of resentment, self righteousness, anger, loathing and bitterness that I held for myself and towards so many others.

Not all of life’s limbos will be extreme; but they may feel like they are as you are in them. Every time I think I’m in my most challenging life transition yet, I am continually amazed at what comes up next, and how much more powerful and challenging it seems to be. How I respond to the transitions impact how well I move through them. And with each experience, I’ve learned to resist less, surrender more, and trust that Divine clarity around the “what next” will be provided in due time. Today, I stand still in the space of time where everything around me spins, seemingly out of control, and there is no sense for me on how I fit into it any of it. My strength comes in standing still, centered in God Within. The surge of the chaotic energies around me leaves me wobbly at times, threatening my Sense of Self and well-being. In those moments, I’m reminded to simply step up my spiritual practices of centering through meditation, self-care and nurturing, to remain an Observer rather than getting sucked into the chaos around me, and to be consciously present in every moment. I’m called to review old baggage and belief systems I have held, decipher them through spiritually-enlightened eyes, and begin a healing process so I may release the past and all lower vibrating energies that go with it. I’m also called to stay out of the future, and to simply be present in the here and now, and find the gratitude with each day, and sometimes in each moment.

And as challenging, frustrating and exhausting as it is to be in this space of such unknowns in all areas of my life, I have to smile. I smile because I know that whatever is on the other side of this super-sized life transition is absolute goodness: joy, love, peace, harmony, abundance, wisdom, and greater creative power. I know I will view life and everyone around me in an even more loving and appreciative way than ever before. I know I will show up more brightly and vibrantly in this world; and that my Light will attract even more goodness, brighten lives, and awaken the spirit within others. How do I know? Because I have spiritually died with each transition, and experienced a rebirth of joy, peace and faith, greater than I’ve known before. The process, if one leans into it with a willingness to have honest and deep introspection, can be beautiful, an exhilarating, and exciting experience that makes all that seemed hard and uncertain through the process melt away and feeling it was worth it.

What I speak of here isn’t a new message; we are always called to step up in a more consciously higher way whenever facing life’s adversities. I’m challenging you to become more conscious in how you manage these experiences, and to spend more time in gratitude and the anticipated glory of whatever is next for you rather than in the victim energies of resistance, anger, upset and resentment. We always feel the latter, its normal so allow those emotions to flow. But don’t “park” your life in these energies, otherwise you risk delaying your arrival at destination “Even Better.”

Oh, and remember, there are many destinations in life’s journey; once you arrive, don’t forget that while it may serve you well, there’s usually another one waiting for you down the road, another “even better.” Sometimes, we may willingly choose to move on; but if we get too comfortable with where we are now, and when Universal timing is right, God may rear-end us into forward motion, forcing us to move on to more Self-awareness and goodness that awaits us.

Love and Light to you all.

Fear: Its Effort towards Your Failure

This week, the Universe presented two amazing opportunities to me that will 1) challenge me to step up in my spiritual service to others and 2) challenge me to step up my own spiritual growth. At their appearance, I was very excited by these opportunities; however, as time moved towards the cross-point of "showing up" within these opportunities, I felt irritable, second-guessed my participation, and even questioned my spiritual guidance and knowing around their validity. The energetic feeling can be best described as "resistance" that feels thick, burdensome, and sluggish. In the days leading up to my involvement with these activities took great effort: doing dishes was a hassle, folding laundry, even eating took more energy than necessary. This slow-motion experience I call moving through the "sludge" of Ego Resistance.

At a workshop at Mile Hi Church, Maria Nimeth talked about "pushing through" the barrier of resistance when pursuing what you desire. This barrier is not unlike the one that surrounds the Earth; as astronauts travel from the Earth's atmosphere, there's a barrier that requires more energy and fire-power to break through into outer space. As we evolve in our lives, making changes to fulfill our purpose, we reach a similar energetic barrier that offers resistance; the key is recognizing the need for more energy and effort to forge ahead. The Human Ego sets up this energetic line of resistance that will do whatever it can to make it easy to simply give up, quit, or worse, convince ourselves that the benefit on the other side isn't worth breaking through to achieve.

Enters the scene: Fear. Fear appears in a variety of ways - including irritation, frustration, low/no energy, laziness, anxiety, nervousness, self-doubt, even unworthiness. These energies are Ego's defense mechanism against change, even if it's beneficial change; it's easier to stay in the "what it knows" zone.

These opportunities will propel me in my spiritual growth and in developing my spiritual business; and my human-self attempted to slow me down in the hopes of completely discouraging me. As a conscious being of Self, I can easily recognize these counterproductive energies when they show up, see through the veil of their delusion, and find inner strength to press on against the waves of resistance. No matter how many times I've encountered this barrier, I push through and in this case, the grass is always greener on the other side. Well, that is until there's another barrier to break through . . . . .

Carolyn

The Human Experience from the Spiritual Perspective

Greetings to all. I am stepping into the 21st century and beginning a blog! I didn't even know what a blog was up until last year. But I have been guided by my Master Guide Haithaya to "put myself out there" with my writing, my spiritual journey to share with others. I am no special or different in this human experience from you - we are all spiritual beings having one. I'm simply being called to reflect on my human experience from the spiritual point of view, for all to see! Good grief!

So, welcome to the Journey Wisdom blog. These posts will be shares of my human experience, and what I am learning within them about my personal spiritual truth. You will meet my Human Ego who will most likely rant and rave about the human experience; the Ego is after all what makes us human. And you will meet my Spiritual Being, what some may call my soul, as it reveals the truth within the human experience.

If you so choose to follow this human's spiritual journey, you will authentically know who I am, and hopefully, learn a little bit about yourself. For we are all One, connected in Oneness through our Spirit Within in this human experience; and we are all traveling this journey together, albeit uniquely. But the Spiritual Truth is the same for all of us. Who we really are at the core of our being is the same - we are Lights of God, simply being. What sets us apart from each other may be how brightly we are choosing to shine our inner Lights; how brightly we are choosing to vibrate in this world.

I welcome you to Journey Wisdom, and to my personal journey as one spiritual being having the human experience.

Love and Light,
Carolyn