Barry Manilow Saved my Life

 As an adolescent and teen, I was a sad and lonely child feeling misplaced in this world, in this life known as Carolyn Denise Smith.  I realize I may not, and most likely wasn't alone in this feeling but then, at this young age, the world evolved around me because I knew nothing different (despite the best efforts of my parents to remind me of those starving children in Africa). 

In high school, I sank into a deep depression that went undiagnosed for eight years.  This darkness lurked in the shadows of my existence, following me as it still does today.  There are times I experienced joy and happiness, but always close by was the overwhelming sadness and gloom held in the mind of my adolescent self. As I got older, I did well to hide my despair; my sense of worthlessness, unlovability and not belonging.  I felt out of place in this existence into which I was born. I would numb the pain and discomfort of my life with food (the higher metabolic rate has slowed a great deal since then!).  I fantasized being someone else in which people appreciated me because I made a difference in their lives.  I used alcohol as a teen and into my college years to mask the pain, to hold a smile, to bring out "fun carefree Carolyn" if only temporarily.

And I clung with an absolute resolve to Barry Manilow and his music.  While there were lighter tunes, many of his songs held the melancholic tones that comforted me into knowing I wasn't alone.  When I felt numb, I was Trying to Get the Feeling so I may feel, anything.  All the Time I thought there was only me in this state of despair.  The undercurrent of Mandy spoke to my yearning for someone to give, without taking a piece of my heart. I pined for a sense of worthiness to be loved and wondered, is it possible? Could this Be the Magic I needed to feel the Spirit move me, absolve me of the pain I felt?

When I felt my lowest, betrayed by others, I turned to Barry, especially when I considered suicide, which I did many times in my senior year of high school.  Barry Manilow was my life raft, and I clung to his music seeking reassurance that Life Will Go On after the disappointment and heartbreak. Afterwards, I was Ready to Take a Chance Again with life, people, relationships. As Barry said, "I Write the Songs that make young girls cry.  His songs offered me a catharsis that purged the pain and kept me alive, time and again, Barry helped me realize that I wasn't but just One Voice singing in the darkness. With his help, I Made it Through the Rain, and Daybreak greeted me for a new opportunity; new hope. 

My dream to see Barry Manilow came true in June 2013 when he performed in Evansville for the cost of one clarinet (to support The Manilow Music Project).  When he walked onto the stage and started singing, I broke down in tears. He was real. He was my lifeline through the darkest of times, heartbreak and uncertainty of my desire to go on in this life. He helped me make it through and still does, Even Now. 

Thank you, Barry Manilow. This One's for You.