A Letter from My Valentine

Happy Valentine's everyone! This Valentine's Day is more special this year than it ever has been and I wanted to share the beautiful letter I received from my Valentine. Wishing you all love.  C~

Dearest Carolyn,

Our relationship has seen its ups and downs.  We’ve been through a lot together and yet here we still are. There have been times you doubted that this relationship should even continue.  I understand. It got hard.  At times, it would’ve been easier to check out, end things and move on to the next life. But you fought for yourself, for us.  You have such a strength like I’ve never seen in anyone else. I’m so grateful for your strength.  Your heart is so big, so full of love that even in the darkest of times, you chose love.  You found love in yourself. You managed to find love for others despite their darkest veneer and transgressions against you. You never gave up.  I am so grateful for your love, and so proud of your perseverance.

You give your love so freely, so willingly to others.  I must admit I have been jealous at times of how much love you have invested in others, leaving me to feel excluded. I’ve watched you love others unconditionally, yet tolerating so much from them that no one should tolerate.  I have witnessed your heart breaking so many times, and ached for you to embrace my love, which at times never seemed good enough for you.  But I believed in you. I knew our love would one day align, so I stayed close, waiting for you to recognize my love, the unconditional love you are so very worthy of; that others in your life were unable to give you. They say patience is a virtue. It’s been hard watching you look to others to fill a void that I myself knew, have always known I could fill for you.

I waited.  I watched you suffer through one heart break after another.  I know you considered giving up, but I’m so grateful you didn’t. I’m so thankful that you remembered I was here, and that you decided to turn to me for that infinite love you’ve been seeking from everyone else.  No one loves you more than I do. No one.  It took you a while to see me, to remember I am here, I have always been here for you.  How joyous I was when you realized it was me; that it was me that has loved you from the start.  You are a beautiful woman, strong, independent yet willing to be vulnerable when necessary.  You have a vibrancy that’s been missing many years, but finally is back, brighter than ever.  Your inner Light shines through your smile, your eyes, your heart, and the wonder you have for life.

You’ve been through a lot and you’ve risen from each occasion a better woman, a better human, a brighter Light every time. I’ve never seen you more genuine, authentic as I see you today.  You’re courageous and willing to stand for what’s true for you, and to share that truth in support of others.  You are a loving creature and in knowing this, my love deepens daily for you.  My love has always been unconditional; you needed time to come around to accepting that this is the kind of love you need and deserve in your life. How glad I waited with patience! My heart leaps with joy knowing you have arrived at this understanding and now we can be united, embraced in this unconditional love.

Happy Valentine’s my dear Carolyn.  I love you. I love you. I love you.

With much love,

Your God Self

Last Stop: Reconciliation Station

I walked away from a three year relationship a year ago this weekend. I felt peace around the decision, though my heart felt great pain. The love I felt for this man was one I’d not ever felt for any other man. But in my heart of hearts, emotional intelligence knew the relationship wasn’t what it needed to be, nor what I deserved.

Knowing that truth didn’t ease the intense heartache I felt, or the emotions of grief from the loss.

The relationship was a good one – we enjoyed each other’s company and I laughed more often than I ever cried. I was treated well, as the man I love was generous in many ways, supportive and caring. Other than a few times when he felt (I realize in hindsight) cornered into an emotionally uncomfortable situation, he was kind, gentle and respectful towards me with his words. His relationship management choices were not always so respectful toward me and my feelings, but again, with 20/20 hindsight vision, I recognize how some behaviors and actions supported his goal of compartmentalizing v. integrating me and our relationship in his life.

My feelings for him were like none I had ever felt for a man. I loved him unconditionally, despite his unproductive choices and actions in our relationship. The decision to end our three years together was hard given the fact that I love the man. It was a good decision, regardless of my heartache.

For a year leading up to that decision, I struggled with how things were between us, and that we were not heading in the direction I had been repeatedly reassured we were going. Add to that the pink elephant in the relationship: his non-expression of love for me. Year Three opened the blinds to shine the Light of Truth on the situation. Initially, I chose to hide in the shadows for a while, not wanting to see the reality of our relationship. The Light continued to expand and reveal the truth of “what is”, and still, I chose to turn my eyes away, blinding myself, and others with excuses I made for him on his behalf. I argued with myself, claiming that I needed to be more patient. I was just fooling myself and making a fool out of myself. Deep down in my heart of hearts, I knew the truth. Once I chose to face the Light, look more closely at our relationship and the man I love, doubts created the stepping stones I needed to walk toward the hard reality: this man wasn’t that into me, and worse, he and I didn’t really have a future together as he’d led me to believe.

For several months, I questioned him about our future, seeking relief from the glaring light of clarity. There were temporary moments of shade, but the heat of truth burned upon me over and over again. In the month leading up to the perpetual Moment of Truth, I eventually realized I had two choices: miserably continue in a relationship that was real to only one of us, or live in greater self-respect and peace without the man I love.

A year later, I made that difficult choice, and its heartache remains an emotionally wise scar in my memory and heart. Fortunately, the grief and pain are not as intense, and my thoughts are less consumed by the loss, though I think fondly everyday of the man I love. I miss him and his friendship. I’m realizing I can still love him, but just not be in a relationship with him. I’m learning I can share my heart brimming of love with others – my beagles, my family, friends, the children I serve at work, strangers, and most importantly, myself. I’m learning that there are many people in my life who value and appreciate me, my heart and the love it offers. Today, I close in on freedom from any of resentment around this experience. I realize I must find forgiveness for him; and self-forgiveness for allowing myself to love and believe him more than I loved and believed in myself. This I can accomplish through unconditional love for us both.

I recently heard a speaker discuss the difference between reconciliation and resolution. Resolution involves rehashing everything, which I am absolutely uninterested in doing, since I’ve spent an exhausting year doing that. Reconciliation is reconnecting and moving forward without any emotional barriers between two people, leaving the past in the past. I don’t know that I have arrived at Reconciliation Station just yet; but it’s the final stop on the itinerary of this relationship’s journey. Full and unconditional forgiveness is my ticket to this destination. They say time heals all things, but I also know I must willingly dig a little deeper in my heart’s pocket to find that ticket. I know it’s there; I just need a little more travel time to find it.

And for the first time in a year, I’m actually feeling excited about arriving at this next stop, and completing the final leg of this relationship’s journey.

Exhaling Love, Peace and Harmony for All

My heart aches. It aches for the loss of three teenagers in Franklin County, Kentucky. It aches for the parents who are intimately experiencing this loss. It aches for friends who have lost loved ones. It aches for the loss of life in Japan, and the familiarity of life for those that survived. It aches for the planet that struggles to manage all the abuse that humanity puts it through. It aches for the loss of my Belle the Beagle. It aches for the loss of dreams that could’ve, would’ve and should’ve been for so many.

My heart aches for the upheaval of foreign countries, and the battles fought for the right to exist, freedom and justice. It aches for the economically depressed that must further struggle for the basics of food and gas in a shaky economy. It aches for the lonely. It aches for those who are lonely within relationships. It aches for those who seek some peace in their life through external means. It aches for those who are living life in a state of confusion, a sense of helplessness, and a sense of hopelessness.

Our world as we know it is changing, on a personal, local, state, national and global level. Are we prepared for such change? Are we willing to be open to change? Are we willing let go, surrender into the flow of these changes? Are we willing to trust in something Higher than ourselves, something Higher within ourselves, to move through these changes?

The sun shines and yet I carry melancholy in my heart. I am a sensitive – and there are days I’m not sure if what I feel is mine or that of the people I love or that of the Collective Unconscious. I breathe. I breathe deep and in the exhale, send out to the world as much unconditional love, peace and harmony as my heart can tap from the supply of the Great One Divine. I am but just one person, and my breath cannot do it alone. We ALL have access to this supply of love, peace and harmony within our hearts, infinitely supplied by the Great One Divine. Are you breathing deep and exhaling God Stuff? Are you sending unconditional love, peace and harmony to countries torn in war, ripped apart in disaster, grieved in loss?

If not, please do. Breathe. Long. Deep into your heart. Exhale the breath of Love, Peace, and Harmony that is the supply of God Within. Breathe deep for others with healing intention. Breathe deep for yourself and for the world.

In Memory of Belle the Beagle: 1995-2011

Most people understand the bond between human and pet, especially that with dogs. They are a part of the family. There is a bond between human and dog that’s very different from one with a cat, guinea pig, bird, hamster, or goldfish, though each bond is unique and special in its own right. My familiarity resonates with dogs, animals that teach us many things – patience, responsibility, playfulness, and most importantly, unconditional love.

Belle was adopted to be a companion to Casey who, she herself a puppy, incessantly latched on to shoelaces and wouldn’t let go as you walked across the wood floor. Belle was a quiet unassuming puppy, unimpressed by Casey’s overwhelming welcome. Eventually, the two romped nicely together and sisterhood/friendship developed. Belle grew out of her bashfulness and into an exuberant hyperactive dog. She celebrated daily my arrival home, eager to see and welcome me. So eager in fact, that she could jump in excitement as high as your shoulder. I often thought we should’ve named her Tigger.

Belle was always a sweet one – if I was down and crying over something, she’d come over, prop her chin on my leg, make a big sigh, and look at me with those big beagle eyes, tail wagging, as if to say, “What can I do for you?” I just hugged on her, and she’d lick my face. Belle didn’t just lick you; she gave you love snaps. She was a notorious French kisser. She also had uncanny timing of getting her tongue in your mouth as you sweet-talked her. Belle cleaned a teary face and snotty nose pretty good too.

This beagle gave 110% commitment of energy behind her tail wagging. She’d wag her tail so hard her hind end would shimmy like Elvis’s hips. Her tail wagged when she was excited to see you, when it was suppertime, when she was getting ready to go outside, even when she was in trouble. Belle in trouble was like Snoopy’s vulture look, but with an endearing charm. Belle would incessantly wag that tail as you fussed at her for getting into the trash, hanging her head low, and looking up with those big black beagle eyes. Sometimes, you’d forget what you were fussing at her for because it tickled your funny bone. And once you chuckled, she had you. That head would come up, that tail wag wider and more intensely, and she’d be pouncing on those front paws as if she was saying, “Hey! Let’s forget about this and play!”

Belle was never into playing fetch; she never retrieved anything. She was more of a wrestler that loved to romp on the floor with you. But her enthusiasm would leave you with a scratch on the eye or a nip on the lip from her love snaps. So we’d wrestle undercover. I’d throw a blanket over her as her hind end jutted up in the invitation to play. She’d then roll over and manipulate the blanket with her feet, then turn back on her belly, still under the blanket and wait. Then you pick at her while she was still under the blanket, until she successfully wrestled herself out from under cover. Then we'd start over again.

The Chicken Sandwich incident was one Belle never lived down. Having enough for a half of a my favorite sandwich, I prepared in much anticipation: leftover chicken on bread smothered in mayo and topped with dill pickles. I set my plate on a side table, that sat lower than most tables in the TV sitting area, and stepped away for less than a minute to get my drink and a napkin from the kitchen. When I returned, my plate was empty. For a few seconds, I thought I’d actually forgotten to make the sandwich! I went back to the kitchen, then back to the table. What happened to my sandwich? I looked around the sitting area and there sat Belle with her head hanging low, innocently looking up with guilty eyes, licking her chops. She heard a loud mouthful out of me and that was the first and last time she took food off my plate.

Belle loved chasing squirrels. She relentlessly stalked them in our Longmont, Colorado yard. She’d prepared for the hunt, positioning into the classic sneak attack pose, and with an unquestioning belief that she’d get it each time, she’d carefully approach until BAM, she’d go in for the “kill.” Belle loved the outdoors. She’d peruse our fence line perimeter several times, knowing what critter had been where and when.

This beagle was multi-talented. She opened doors that weren’t completely latched shut, using her head to push her way into any room she pleased. More than once did Belle pop her head inside the bathroom door to check on how I was doing while taking care of business on the toilet.

There’s so much more I could share: her opening knobless bathroom cabinet doors to take shelter from a thunderstorm; the time Belle stuck her head out the window as I was rolling it up; the absolute appall she had when I brought a stray cat into the house with the intention to keeping it (Belle’s non-stop barking objections won out); the bland and unaffected reaction to middle-aged drunk women dancing their booties off to “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy”; the time she crawled under my bed from one side to the other rather than walk around it; how she sold most of my furniture on Craig’s List within a day, not once but twice, with just her photo and the slogan, “Belle the Beagle says BUY BUY BUY!" Belle always mixed things up, kept me entertained and on my toes.

My Sweet Belle. She brought so much joy and laughter to me through her beagle antics and unconditional love. Oh, the unconditional love! Belle never held those moments in which I was a less than stellar human being against me. She was my greatest teacher of unconditional love, acceptance, and patience. Belle gave me fifteen wonderful years of all of these gifts, as well as amusement and companionship. She will be missed in the home, but forever etched in my memory and heart.

Planetary Shift Invites New Beginnings

With the recent tragedy in Japan in which thousands are affected by both earthquakes and Tsunamis, there is a shift happening on this planet. We’ve witnessed the infighting of other countries, as well as within our own country through the political system. Though the approaches are drastically different, there is an obvious unrest in major systems that have upheld our and other countries, never mind our world affairs for centuries.

Colleague and friend Eric Meyers, a counseling astrologist and published author, brought to my attention recently the astrological phenomenon that took place on March 11, 2011 in which the planet Uranus moved out of Pisces (endings) into Aries (new beginnings). In this energetic shifting, its “purpose is self-empowerment after the dystopia that many may have been experiencing.” In this transition, we begin to shift from that “fooling ourselves” state of being into "waking up" to reveal, address and finish whatever business necessary to break free into a new way of being and experiencing life. Whether you believe such things or not, one cannot discount that we are seeing a surge of upheaval all around us. Our planet’s recent upheaval demonstrates this shifting with earthquakes and tsunamis, flooding, and remarkable weather patterns this winter. Countries such as Egypt, Libya, and other Middle Eastern countries are taking stands against old and stifling political systems and limitations. Within our own country, we are witnessing history as politicians stand their ground for what’s “right” in a new and daring way, going on “strike” to communicate a strong statement of belief of perceived injustices and inequities. Even our economy is reflecting this energy of upheaval as gas prices increase, thus impacting every one of us and our budgets as economic uncertainty and fear makes its way into rising costs for goods in our local stores.

How are you experiencing upheaval in your life? Many may consider upheaval as a negative experience, and while it may have those appearances, upheaval can lead to positive outcomes and changes. In Egypt, citizens rallied calmly and successfully to protest the injustices of their country’s leader; for many of us watching closely, uncertainty may have moved us into fear as we witnessed what could’ve been a potentially dangerous and troubling world event. Was there not an upheaval in the late 1700’s when our forefathers stood their ground to stand for their rights to liberty, freedom and equality? Was there not upheaval in the 1960’s as blacks fought for their rights to equality, one century after another upheaval that fought for their right to be free men and women?

Within our own lives, we may be feeling personal upheaval, whether it is within our careers/jobs, relationships or social connections, financial affairs, health matters, family, or an overall sense of overwhelm and uncertainty. Have you been feeling apprehensive, worried, anxious, or even fearful about something? What area of your life have you been struggling to “get control of” or experiencing frustration in your day-to-day business? What is bubbling underneath the surface, in your thoughts, your feelings or emotions? We must not ignore what is brewing under the surface of our life's facade, but rather face “our stuff” head-on and with brutal honesty. What’s not working for you anymore? What are you ignoring that difficulties, strife or frustration are begging you to explore? How are you distracting yourself from looking at your personal unhappiness, sources of stress, disappointments or frustration from the lack of results despite your intentions? How are you fooling yourself in this self-evaluation, allowing your mind to trick you into believing that something “outside” of yourself is the cause for your struggles? Where is your arrogance or pride blocking your objective point of view?

Spring brings forth the rebirth of Mother Nature’s finest work and gifts. From the astrological perspective, each of us, as well as our country and every country in this world are engaged in this energetic invitation of upheaval in order to make changes that are for the greater good in our lives, and that of the Collective (a.k.a. the world) so a new way of being, demonstrating, and expressing may take place.

On March 11, when astrologists dated the shift of Uranus from Pisces into Aries, Mother Earth literally shifted herself in Japan and its coastal waters to get our attention; so that we all may once again become more aware of our place and responsibility to Mother Earth and each other within humanity. We are in this life and world together, and disasters like these recent events bring us globally together as a human race as humanitarians. Is the earthquake happening on March 11 a coincidence? I think not; and isn’t it interesting that we are more willing and able to reach deep within our wallets and hearts, in unconditional love and acceptance, to serve without question or judgment during times of disaster?

If the fault line within your heart is trembling, don’t ignore it! Look within yourself to see what changes need to be made in your patterns, habits and choices, personal demonstrations of expression, or what transitions and shifts you need to be making in your life. Refusal to acknowledge the signs, to look truthfully within your heart will lead to experiencing your own version of a personal shakeup in your life that will impact everything you believe about it, creating change that forces you into a new beginning. I’ve learned from experience: it’s easier to shift into change and new beginnings as an active participate than to fight it kicking and screaming. Pay attention. Be honestly introspective. And participate in the flow.

For more information on the astrological perspective of these energetic shifts, click here.

To learn more about how you can help support those impacted by the catastrophic disaster in Japan, click here.

The Art of Unconditional Love in the Throes of Judgment

This last weekend in Evansville, Indiana, a witness saw someone throw a dog out of a car window into the street which, upon hitting the pavement, was hit by another car and killed. I don’t even know where to begin with this; my emotions overwhelm as tears well in my eyes over such cold-heartedness. So many questions linger in my head: Why didn’t they leave it on the SIDE of the road? Why out a window? Why not leave it at the Humane Society? Of course, in my work, I’m always flipping situations around and turning them inside out – did the witness perceive a throwing out or was it the dog jumped out? Okay, if that was the case, WHY didn’t the car owner stop upon this happening? In my efforts to give any benefit to the doubt to the accused in this situation, I still end up with the assessment that this person is simply careless with Life.

As a dog owner, and one who respects and loves all animals, yes, even bugs (though I draw the line at mosquitoes), stories like this make me ill. I tear up upon seeing or hearing of animal neglect or abuse. That Sarah McLaughlin commercial leaves me in emotional pain and angst; I can not watch it. I feel for people the same way I feel for animals; it's part of my being an Empath and a Sensitive.

Many of you know I am a spiritual teacher that teaches and preaches Unconditional Love; and while I am a spiritual being in the human experience, I am not exempt from having human moments that yield anger, upset, judgment and resentment. It is through these experiences that I stop, tap into my higher consciousness to observe how I’m showing up as a human. From this higher vibrational space, I can then invite that part of me that's a Spiritual Being to shift my Ego into the state of Unconditional Love for others. My friends are sometimes challenged by my approach, believing that I offer way too much benefit of the doubt to others.

But my role as a life coach, spiritual teacher, and energy therapist is to support the healing of others and ultimately that of the world. In order to do that, I must be vigilant and proactive in “healing” within myself any negative attitudes and energy that pop up during my human experience: whether it’s disappointment in others and how they show up within business, social or romantic relationships; how I fail to show up for others AND myself, and/or; in my own choices, actions, or inaction. If I’m teaching Unconditional Love and Forgiveness, I must practice what I preach, and become an Observer of how my Human Ego shows up in these situations. Unfortunately, I know and witness many that proclaim themselves as spiritually enlightened and/or religious and spiritual leaders and role models who fail to “check” their Ego when in the throes of a human experience. So when I found myself incensed about this dog incident, I spewed upset and anger. I knew then I needed to take a step back out of Ego-driven judgment. It’s okay when we feel these things; but it’s not okay to function within this Ego energy in judgment, condemnation, assumptions, and criticism of others.

To step out of this Ego state, I breathe, in this case, REALLY DEEP, and remember the Truth that We Are Deeply One. In times like this, or when we are challenged by loved ones, rude or seemingly insensitive or selfish strangers, we must always, always remember that God runs through it, regardless of the outpicturing of the circumstances. This concept can be a real stretch. But we must always turn the situation around so that we are in the other person’s shoes; when this is challenging, it's our Soul's inner call to look more deeply within ourselves at what is in need of healing. Even when the actions of others defy our grasp of comprehension, we must move more consciously and quickly into inquiry and understanding rather than into judgment and persecution. If we are Deeply One in God, we are only judging and persecuting ourselves; so what is it about others' actions that strike the chord within? Assumptions only misconstrue our own perception of Reality, and incorrectly assumes another's Truth without an understanding of "what is." Asking questions doesn’t imply we are condoning choices, but rather allows us to see situations from a higher and broader level of Consciousness.

While it may appear I am trying to find an excuse for this unkind human being, I’m simply asking questions out of inquiry rather than judging out of assumption so that I may understand why: Why someone would do such a callous thing to a helpless creature? Regardless of the answers, the choice, the action in and of itself is not condonable, and fortunately, we have human laws, although weak ones, that address such actions. This individual must be held accountable, if only to teach him/her/them as well as our entire community that animal cruelty is not acceptable. Our society and its laws aren’t the best at teaching respect for life, but we must have faith in humanity – it is evolving but it starts with us, our own healing, and in that process, finding and showing unconditional love and offering forgiveness for others and ourselves. The bottom line is we are all in this Human Experience together; and as such, we must practice less of the Ego-driven outbursts of upset and judgment, but more of the mantra, “Deeply We Are One.” Personally for me when I think about this incident, I am saying this Truth a lot.

One final thought for consideration: Dogs are the greatest teachers of Unconditional Love. Had this dog survived, it most likely would've accepted its handler with "open paws," so to speak. Amazing but true; so there's no coincidence of God being present in and through this horrific situation, and using one of Its finest creatures to teach us this lesson of Truth.


This blog post is dedicated to Casey and Belle, my greatest teachers of Unconditional Love for fifteen years.

Letting Go in Honor of Another's Journey

When we hear about those we care about making choices, demonstrating in ways that trouble us, leave us unsettled, we are impacted by this news. Sometimes, our reaction is judgment, puzzlement, and upset. Sometimes, it’s disappointing, sorrowful and helplessness.

I have a friend whom I care about deeply, but for reasons I won’t get into here, I had to make a choice to “sunset” this relationship in my life. Despite my efforts to support, help and even tolerate with great patience how my friend showed up in our friendship, the impact upon my energy, my sanity and my emotional health required I draw a hard line in the sand around our involvement. It isn’t easy to make such decisions. In my work with clients, I see so much deeper their potential than what they see, know and believe in themselves; yet, I cannot force, coerce or insist upon anyone changing their choices, thinking, believing, and ultimately their way of being. I’m guided and trained to unconditionally love and support the path my clients take, and the pace in which they choose to travel it. But when it comes to loved ones, family members and friends, that task is challenging. We all experience this with sons, daughters, husbands, wives, parents, siblings, mates, lovers and friends. I am no exception in feeling frustration when I see someone I deeply care for show up unproductively, make unproductive choices, or worse, not making choices that can support and heal their hidden wounds and hurts.

I walk a fine line in my professional and personal relationships, and in both, I’ve learned that I cannot make anyone change, and it’s not my place to do so! When we attempt to change another, tell him or her how to live their life, what to do, insist on what they should do, we dishonor his and her own journey. Perhaps my friend is meant to struggle in this lifetime, as a means to understand how that experience feels. Perhaps the struggle is the path to “getting it” spiritually, to heal deep-seeded pride and arrogance, via the process of crashing and burning first. When addicts are ready to ask for help, they usually have to hit rock bottom first; our willingness to ask for help will come when we’ve hit rock bottom in misery, depression, exasperation, and sometimes, realization of the insanity of thinking things will be different when we keep doing the same thing over again.

We have to let go of our loved ones and let them travel their own path. We can be there to offer support, but we must also protect ourselves from that drain when they continuously ask for support, yet take no steps towards making healthy changes in their lives. We can offer them options, choices, and even express what we need in order to stay connected. This is when we must mind our own boundaries; enabling another does not help him or her. Judging choices, giving our opinions or advice is not helpful either. Unsolicited advice is no use to someone who has not requested it. We must trust that whatever our role in one’s life has been, there was a purpose, for both parties, and we did all we could during the time we traveled our paths together. If loved ones are still in our life, we can mind a boundary and offer our unconditional love and support. We can say prayers to guardian angels, and the Higher Power that loved ones are guided to get the help they need, led into the Light of wisdom, and the Love of God to wake up and know their higher truth within.

While I have eliminated contact, I still hold love and light in prayer for my friend. My heart and soul aches for my friend, but, and with difficulty at times, I cannot own responsibility for that life; it’s not mine to live, and it’s not mine to control. Your, my, each of our lives are under our own purview; we can only be responsible for our own choices, how we show up, how we uncover the Spiritual Truth of who we are, and how we live that truth in this life experience. The life experiences of our loved ones are for their own living, learning and self-discovery of a deeper love that is within, of who they spiritually are in the Oneness of Life.

Understanding Conditional Love and Unconditional Love

Are you truly open to forgiveness and healing? I have a friend who, after many efforts to mend the fence with another mutual friend, is continually getting rejected for her efforts, and being accused of being hateful. In the same breath of criticism and judgments, our mutual friend professes “love” for my friend who has repeatedly attempted to extend the olive branch. Now, help me out here: if one truly has love in one’s heart, would one continually respond to efforts of healing with belligerent accusations and a complete unwillingness to accept repeated apologies, therefore, withhold forgiveness? Is this truly an expression of love?

Technically,no. This expression is one of conditional love, upon which one renders love on the condition that another shows up how one wants that person to show up. The Master Teacher taught unconditional love, as well as forgiveness. As Jesus hung on the cross gasping his last breath, he asked of his Maker, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”

Chewing someone out and in another breath claiming love for that very person you are “putting” into place in the name of self-righteousness, is not Christian, spiritual or unconditional. This proclamation of love is a lie, and setting forth conditions. Holding grudges, hanging on and spewing resentment and grievances does not exemplify any kind of love Jesus taught. It is simply an expression of Human Ego, wounded, self-serving, misery-creating and self-righteous Ego energy.

Refusal to accept another’s apology may not be easy upon first blush; in fact, it is understandable that one may need to “lick the wounds” of hurts inflicted, intentionally or unintentionally, by another. However, when we choose to lick that wound raw, and feed it with growing disdain, resentment and anger towards the other person, and even dragging others into the cause to fuel our “victimization,” this demonstration takes one into the opposite direction of God; some may liken it to the work of the Devil. It is simply the Human Ego, hurt and unhealed from many past hurts, taking over and running the show of one’s life. If misery abounds in one’s life, you can guarantee that Ego is in the driver’s seat, not God. We create our own reality, and it can be created unconsciously or consciously. When the Human Ego is in charge, we are usually living this life unconsciously, not realizing how we are showing up. How are we handling the situation? Are we open to the possibility of healing? To resolving the conflict? Or are we fueling it with our words, unproductive accusations, and falsehoods? Are we lying to ourselves as well as to another? If we can learn to stop, and truly and honestly evaluate how we are behaving, we can begin the process of awakening. If there is any indication of hurt, anger, resentment, even hard feelings in the mildest form, we are in Human Ego, and we are still in need of healing.

The good news is that we do not need the other person with whom we are at odds to do our healing work. If everyone on the planet disappeared tonight, you could still render forgiveness to others as well as to yourself. Not everyone is willing to participate in this healing process; sometimes, we may choose not to involve the other person if it places us at risk of verbal, emotional or physical abuse. But we can find resolve within ourselves and experience a healing process that releases the other person to his or her own journey, however he or she wishes to travel it. Healing begins first and foremost within us, and healing isn’t lip service; it’s that genuine energetic sensation in one’s heart that says, I love you no matter what you say, how you show up. It is unconditional love laced with forgiveness, so that if you ever were to run into that someone again, you can in sincerity and without a bat of the eye say “hello,” and hold him or her in the highest vibration of love, regardless of their response.

If you are bitter towards another, you have not fully rendered forgiveness. If you are still talk smack about someone, lashing out periodically towards him or her because you need to put him or her in his or her place, you are not living in unconditional love and forgiveness. And as such, you have not experienced the true healing, nor practicing that which were the two greatest lessons taught by a Master Teacher who walked upon this Earth.

Loving No Matter What

When people we love hurt us, we naturally feel anger, upset and disappointment. Yet we must understand and recognize that despite how they are showing up, they are doing their very best, the best that they can in these moments and circumstances from which they are living in the human experience. It is in this understanding that we are demonstrating unconditional love, for we accept their best efforts of love, no matter how it shows up.

Unconditional love does not mean that we must endure repeated heartache and disappointment, nor does it mean we must tolerate intolerable behavior, abuse or neglect. We are responsible for setting and honoring our own boundaries around what we deserve in friendships, family, work and romantic, any relationships of any kind. But understanding others through unconditional love, no matter how they show up, allows us our process of healing through forgiveness. Of course, we will be less than perfect at times in our relationships, being angry, hurt, and disappointed, all emotions which we must experience prior to the shift towards forgiveness. Grudges and resentment serves only to hold ourselves hostage in suffering; telling our victimization stories over and over to anyone who will listen, talking “smack” about the other person, and hurtful actions and/or words towards the other person in fear of vunerability, emotional breakdown and insecurity fail to move us forward in healthy healing.

In the grace and generosity of unconditional love, we can become more understanding and honoring of those that hurt us and the path upon which they travel. With conscious effort, we can feel gratitude for the experience, both of the pleasant moments of the relationship, and those less enjoyable that offer valuable teaching opportunities about who we are and how to move forward more productively. This task is challenging for we naturally move towards the negative aspects of the experience, supported by friends and family members who will feed such a perspective. While it is important to express those feelings, it’s also important we not wallow in the upset OR hold ourselves hostage within it. We must keep our heads above the quicksand and pull ourselves out of it so we can move forward with the intention of forgiveness. Forgiveness isn’t lip service but genuine energy flow of love for self and the other person despite the circumstances. With time and conscious effort, honest self-evaluation and a willingness to unconditionally honor another’s path, regardless of what we wanted and the resulting circumstances, we can begin the process towards healing in higher love and genuine forgiveness.

Thanksgiving - More than Turkey and Football

The holidays are a time for family, and this year, my family will be forever altered with the absence of my mom this Thanksgiving holiday. I've missed many Thanksgivings with my family while in Colorado, and today, twinges of regret come up that I didn't make more of them. But then I remember the many wonderful Thanksgivings I've spent with families of close friends, co-workers and even acquaintances that opened their home upon learning I had no plans for the holiday. I've had the pleasure of serving others who have no means to enjoy the luxury of Thanksgiving dinner, much less a family or a place to call home. In remembering these times I was without my family, I remember how I contributed, and allowed others to contribute to the magnificence of my journey.

I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir when I say that Thanksgiving is more than football, parades and turkey dinner. But I know that many miss the simplest of blessings to count. We have all, at some point in our life, done the standard expression of thanks that includes our family, our loved ones, having a job, and our health. But I challenge EVERYONE to take their blessings to a deeper level, to things that you may naturally overlook and even take for granted. Give thanks for the ability to breathe easy, walk on your own two legs, and the hands that carve your turkey. Express gratitude for the roof over your head, no matter what that looks like, for you are safe from the elements of winter weather. Give thanks for employment, regardless of how irritating your co-workers are, what grievances you have with the "powers that be;" give thanks for an income and health benefits (no matter what that looks like!!) that support your efforts to provide for your family, your well-being, and your financial needs. For those of us who are unemployed, give thanks for unemployment benefits that support us, even nominally in transition; say thank you for the part-time job, no matter what it is, and know your efforts in that help others, somehow, some way, even if it's asking "would you like fries with that?" Give thanks for those who ask you, "would you like fries with that." Express appreciation for the opportunities to figure out what's next, the support of loved ones during these times of transition, for their prayers, words of encouragement and unconditional love. Give thanks that you live in a country where you have the freedom of speech, even if it's considered misguided or disagreed with by others. Give thanks for men and women who sacrifice time with their own family to serve our country in the name of freedom. Be grateful for a government that doesn't take you jail when you speak out against it. Express gratitude for a working vehicle, running water, and working toilet. Say "thank you" for the smiling children, the unconditional love of pets, and the beauty of nature around us. Give thanks for all that you've experienced, and the learning and growth opportunities, and the ability to choose an open willing mind and heart to make changes that serve you better, despite current circumstances that seem unfair, unjust, and uncomfortable.

You get the point; dig deeper to express gratitude for the many, many things we take for granted. Dig deep within your heart; see beyond the obvious for those blessings, large and small, grand and simple. And give thanks daily, not just on Thanksgiving. For with expression of gratitude, we invite more blessings into our life. Our expression signals to God our willingness to have more abundance, our willingness to receive it.

This year, I have so much to give thanks for, despite the trials and tribulations this journey has offered. I give thanks to the many, many, many people who have said a prayer, sent emails, and love and light in support of me and my family around my mother's illness and death; you know who you are. I count my blessings in the challenges that have left me reeling, and the opportunities they afford me through the closing of so many doors. I'm grateful for the love I feel, the love I receive, and the means to manage these transitions I am experiencing. I give thanks that I was able to help my mom feel more comfortable, brighten her final days, and the honor to support her in her crossing over. I give gratitude for that Spirit within me that is God Expression. My love to you and yours, and many more blessings to feel grateful for in the coming year.

Embracing Differences for Greater Self Discovery

Life is good. It’s not without its challenges, but choosing how to manage those challenges can determine whether we make life even better. Life’s challenges are healthy, though not always enjoyable. I use the word “challenge” as opposed to “problem,” “headache,” or “pain in the ass,” for challenge holds a neutral energy. From a place of neutrality, we can determine through our choices if it becomes charged to the positive or the negative in our experience.

When presented with a challenge, we may immediately feel lower energies of upset, hurt, doubt, paranoia, anger, or irritability, to name a few. This natural human reaction is triggered by our human Ego which holds a rolodex of past experiences (and even past lives) that remind us of memories which influences how we choose in any given situation. The challenge at hand offers many opportunities, including reevaluation of our belief systems and attitudes, a balance between what we say and how we actually show up in our choices and actions, and whether we need to render forgiveness to ourselves or towards others in past or current experiences for healing.

From a lower state of consciousness, we may choose to hang onto or wallow in the upset; this choice is driven by our human Ego which is designed to protect us from uncomfortable experiences. While the challenge itself may be uncomfortable, more uncomfortable (I know, it’s an oxymoron but the human Ego and Spirit do work collaboratively!) is looking deeply within and realizing we’ve been living lie; misguided self-perceptions created through adopted beliefs imposed upon us by our parents, friends, culture, religion, media or society which could suddenly, no longer resonate as our truth, which can really rock our world. We may realize we were incorrect in our self-perception and our perceptions of others and the world. Being wrong doesn’t work for our human Egos. It’s easier to be “right” and miserable than to rock our world with inquiry and open-mindedness in the spirit of seeing things differently than what we believe we perceive is right. Unfortunately, the only impetus for choosing inquiry and self-reflection with objective honesty is often stimulated by the depth of despair, in how miserable we are and what we tolerate in our life. How effective is such a pattern of letdowns, upsets, or misery in offering us peace and happiness in our life?

Recently, I have been challenged by criticism and persecution around my life choices and beliefs, to which I, of course, naturally became defensive. Immediately recognizing that energy, I chose to step back before overreacting in a tit-for-tat Ego mentality. Through meditative prayer and self-reflection, I “entered into thy closet”, my Heart to better understand my challengers and myself, while consciously remembering that we are all One in God. I opened my heart and mind to whatever Divine Guidance and insight I needed around the situations. In doing so, I understood that one particular past experience in my life triggered my reaction, and through this revelation, realized I had some deeper work to do around fully trusting my heart and its inner knowing. I understood there was unfinished business of forgiveness to offer to facilitate healing around another past experience.

I am also being called to open up my heart and mind even more deeply to unconditional acceptance of differing belief systems without feeling persecuted. I understand that those differing viewpoints do not change my Truth, yet healthy reflection on those differences deepen my awareness of my Truth; additionally it facilitates within me greater love and respect in knowing God expresses uniquely within and through those differences. I can now more fully and deeply trust in my Heart, which supports my personal empowerment when faced with condemnation and criticism of by those whose opinions stem from their own rolodex of past experiences.

The beautiful thing about our life’s challenges is that they serve as mirrors which are gifts from God to reflect back to us one of two things, depending on the situation: a reflection of what is left to be healed within us, and/or what we need to know about ourselves and how we are showing up in our life, as demonstrated by the challenge before us. How self aware through honest and objective reflection can help us shift our life from one of strife and stress to one of peace and harmony. When we rely solely on outside sources and information for our truth, and question nothing within our Hearts, that place where God’s Truth is housed, we agree to what we are told, and close the door to enlightenment. And even through this self-reflection, what we know and believe still resonates with us, then yea us! At least we stepped outside of our box (and the box others put us in) of what we think we know and checked in with other possibilities of what could be.

The Golden Rule, do unto others as you would have them do unto you, speaks to not only actions, but how we regard other. When we impose upon others what we think they need to believe or how they should live, we show disrespect for another’s journey, their freedom of choice, and what they are here to experience in their lifetime. When we share from an open place of what we personally know and have experienced, we share a part of our heart. It’s all in how it is presented; being open to embracing differences, without a personal agenda, supports the spirit of unconditional love and acceptance. This sharing of differences usually invites a respectful and open dialogue of inquiry, though not always. Through this blog, and in all of my writings, I strive to share information from what I have learned through personal and spiritual experience; whether it resonates with the reader is up to the individual reader. I do not expect anyone to adopt as their own my beliefs as reflected in my shares. My only hope is that something within my personal experience and insights resonate with you, the reader, in support of your own journey. Our journey and the life we experience ultimately lies with each of us, and how we choose to create it.

As for me and my latest challenges, I’m excited by them, for they offer me the opportunity to grow personally and spiritually, to deepen my faith and trust in my Divine Guidance, and better understand differences while continuously checking in with my own personal truths. These challenges teach me to live One in God with everyone in all situations and experiences, rather than from a place of separation in the form of defensiveness and judgment. I value the teachers I encounter in my life, and give thanks for all that they do to deepen me in my Spiritual Truth.