Sunday, June 27, 2010

Loving No Matter What

When people we love hurt us, we naturally feel anger, upset and disappointment. Yet we must understand and recognize that despite how they are showing up, they are doing their very best, the best that they can in these moments and circumstances from which they are living in the human experience. It is in this understanding that we are demonstrating unconditional love, for we accept their best efforts of love, no matter how it shows up.

Unconditional love does not mean that we must endure repeated heartache and disappointment, nor does it mean we must tolerate intolerable behavior, abuse or neglect. We are responsible for setting and honoring our own boundaries around what we deserve in friendships, family, work and romantic, any relationships of any kind. But understanding others through unconditional love, no matter how they show up, allows us our process of healing through forgiveness. Of course, we will be less than perfect at times in our relationships, being angry, hurt, and disappointed, all emotions which we must experience prior to the shift towards forgiveness. Grudges and resentment serves only to hold ourselves hostage in suffering; telling our victimization stories over and over to anyone who will listen, talking “smack” about the other person, and hurtful actions and/or words towards the other person in fear of vunerability, emotional breakdown and insecurity fail to move us forward in healthy healing.

In the grace and generosity of unconditional love, we can become more understanding and honoring of those that hurt us and the path upon which they travel. With conscious effort, we can feel gratitude for the experience, both of the pleasant moments of the relationship, and those less enjoyable that offer valuable teaching opportunities about who we are and how to move forward more productively. This task is challenging for we naturally move towards the negative aspects of the experience, supported by friends and family members who will feed such a perspective. While it is important to express those feelings, it’s also important we not wallow in the upset OR hold ourselves hostage within it. We must keep our heads above the quicksand and pull ourselves out of it so we can move forward with the intention of forgiveness. Forgiveness isn’t lip service but genuine energy flow of love for self and the other person despite the circumstances. With time and conscious effort, honest self-evaluation and a willingness to unconditionally honor another’s path, regardless of what we wanted and the resulting circumstances, we can begin the process towards healing in higher love and genuine forgiveness.

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