Letting Go in Honor of Another's Journey

When we hear about those we care about making choices, demonstrating in ways that trouble us, leave us unsettled, we are impacted by this news. Sometimes, our reaction is judgment, puzzlement, and upset. Sometimes, it’s disappointing, sorrowful and helplessness.

I have a friend whom I care about deeply, but for reasons I won’t get into here, I had to make a choice to “sunset” this relationship in my life. Despite my efforts to support, help and even tolerate with great patience how my friend showed up in our friendship, the impact upon my energy, my sanity and my emotional health required I draw a hard line in the sand around our involvement. It isn’t easy to make such decisions. In my work with clients, I see so much deeper their potential than what they see, know and believe in themselves; yet, I cannot force, coerce or insist upon anyone changing their choices, thinking, believing, and ultimately their way of being. I’m guided and trained to unconditionally love and support the path my clients take, and the pace in which they choose to travel it. But when it comes to loved ones, family members and friends, that task is challenging. We all experience this with sons, daughters, husbands, wives, parents, siblings, mates, lovers and friends. I am no exception in feeling frustration when I see someone I deeply care for show up unproductively, make unproductive choices, or worse, not making choices that can support and heal their hidden wounds and hurts.

I walk a fine line in my professional and personal relationships, and in both, I’ve learned that I cannot make anyone change, and it’s not my place to do so! When we attempt to change another, tell him or her how to live their life, what to do, insist on what they should do, we dishonor his and her own journey. Perhaps my friend is meant to struggle in this lifetime, as a means to understand how that experience feels. Perhaps the struggle is the path to “getting it” spiritually, to heal deep-seeded pride and arrogance, via the process of crashing and burning first. When addicts are ready to ask for help, they usually have to hit rock bottom first; our willingness to ask for help will come when we’ve hit rock bottom in misery, depression, exasperation, and sometimes, realization of the insanity of thinking things will be different when we keep doing the same thing over again.

We have to let go of our loved ones and let them travel their own path. We can be there to offer support, but we must also protect ourselves from that drain when they continuously ask for support, yet take no steps towards making healthy changes in their lives. We can offer them options, choices, and even express what we need in order to stay connected. This is when we must mind our own boundaries; enabling another does not help him or her. Judging choices, giving our opinions or advice is not helpful either. Unsolicited advice is no use to someone who has not requested it. We must trust that whatever our role in one’s life has been, there was a purpose, for both parties, and we did all we could during the time we traveled our paths together. If loved ones are still in our life, we can mind a boundary and offer our unconditional love and support. We can say prayers to guardian angels, and the Higher Power that loved ones are guided to get the help they need, led into the Light of wisdom, and the Love of God to wake up and know their higher truth within.

While I have eliminated contact, I still hold love and light in prayer for my friend. My heart and soul aches for my friend, but, and with difficulty at times, I cannot own responsibility for that life; it’s not mine to live, and it’s not mine to control. Your, my, each of our lives are under our own purview; we can only be responsible for our own choices, how we show up, how we uncover the Spiritual Truth of who we are, and how we live that truth in this life experience. The life experiences of our loved ones are for their own living, learning and self-discovery of a deeper love that is within, of who they spiritually are in the Oneness of Life.

Thanksgiving - More than Turkey and Football

The holidays are a time for family, and this year, my family will be forever altered with the absence of my mom this Thanksgiving holiday. I've missed many Thanksgivings with my family while in Colorado, and today, twinges of regret come up that I didn't make more of them. But then I remember the many wonderful Thanksgivings I've spent with families of close friends, co-workers and even acquaintances that opened their home upon learning I had no plans for the holiday. I've had the pleasure of serving others who have no means to enjoy the luxury of Thanksgiving dinner, much less a family or a place to call home. In remembering these times I was without my family, I remember how I contributed, and allowed others to contribute to the magnificence of my journey.

I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir when I say that Thanksgiving is more than football, parades and turkey dinner. But I know that many miss the simplest of blessings to count. We have all, at some point in our life, done the standard expression of thanks that includes our family, our loved ones, having a job, and our health. But I challenge EVERYONE to take their blessings to a deeper level, to things that you may naturally overlook and even take for granted. Give thanks for the ability to breathe easy, walk on your own two legs, and the hands that carve your turkey. Express gratitude for the roof over your head, no matter what that looks like, for you are safe from the elements of winter weather. Give thanks for employment, regardless of how irritating your co-workers are, what grievances you have with the "powers that be;" give thanks for an income and health benefits (no matter what that looks like!!) that support your efforts to provide for your family, your well-being, and your financial needs. For those of us who are unemployed, give thanks for unemployment benefits that support us, even nominally in transition; say thank you for the part-time job, no matter what it is, and know your efforts in that help others, somehow, some way, even if it's asking "would you like fries with that?" Give thanks for those who ask you, "would you like fries with that." Express appreciation for the opportunities to figure out what's next, the support of loved ones during these times of transition, for their prayers, words of encouragement and unconditional love. Give thanks that you live in a country where you have the freedom of speech, even if it's considered misguided or disagreed with by others. Give thanks for men and women who sacrifice time with their own family to serve our country in the name of freedom. Be grateful for a government that doesn't take you jail when you speak out against it. Express gratitude for a working vehicle, running water, and working toilet. Say "thank you" for the smiling children, the unconditional love of pets, and the beauty of nature around us. Give thanks for all that you've experienced, and the learning and growth opportunities, and the ability to choose an open willing mind and heart to make changes that serve you better, despite current circumstances that seem unfair, unjust, and uncomfortable.

You get the point; dig deeper to express gratitude for the many, many things we take for granted. Dig deep within your heart; see beyond the obvious for those blessings, large and small, grand and simple. And give thanks daily, not just on Thanksgiving. For with expression of gratitude, we invite more blessings into our life. Our expression signals to God our willingness to have more abundance, our willingness to receive it.

This year, I have so much to give thanks for, despite the trials and tribulations this journey has offered. I give thanks to the many, many, many people who have said a prayer, sent emails, and love and light in support of me and my family around my mother's illness and death; you know who you are. I count my blessings in the challenges that have left me reeling, and the opportunities they afford me through the closing of so many doors. I'm grateful for the love I feel, the love I receive, and the means to manage these transitions I am experiencing. I give thanks that I was able to help my mom feel more comfortable, brighten her final days, and the honor to support her in her crossing over. I give gratitude for that Spirit within me that is God Expression. My love to you and yours, and many more blessings to feel grateful for in the coming year.

In the Abyss of Uncertainty

The day is gloomy. Silence surrounds me as I watch out my patio door the rain fall from the sky. Water, an element of change, reflects the emotional body. It encourages us to open ourselves to all things, even to things we dislike or that feel bad. Water teaches us to accept all that life brings while simultaneously choosing to act for positive change. Many of us are experiencing transitions, crossroads that invite us on a path in our journey. These crossroads provide us with opportunities to shift to a higher and more meaningful way that truly reflects the Divine Within, the potential to show up the essence of our spiritual beings, as creations of God.

Yet as spiritual beings in the human experience, we show up in the humanness of the journey. Fear. Anger. Anxiety. Self-righteousness. Blame. Judgment. Self-pity. It is natural. It is normal to feel such angst in the midst of great changes. We must honor the humanness of others and of our self as we show up in the human experience. The shift takes place in our consciousness.

Consciousness is a self awareness; an awareness of how we are “showing up” in our lives and with others, and with this information, then making different choices that shift/lift our energy vibrations. Ideally, the shift will move us from a lower vibration zone, which can feel burdensome, thick and heavy in our physical bodies, bitterness and biting in our moods, and generate “stinking thinking” of negative, judgmental and critical thoughts about ourselves and/or of others. Shifting into a higher vibration zone feels lighter and provides us with a sense of inner peace and relaxation, melting away stress and anxiety and instilling within us a sense that God has our back. This shift moves us more deeply into faith. Shifting takes place when we surrender all our worries, our questions without answers, our fears and “what ifs” over to God/Universe, which then opens a channel to receiving God’s guidance, thus creating space for God to work magic in our lives. Surrendering is letting go of the “shoulds;” attachments to how it all should look like, how it should unfold and how everyone around us should be showing up around us. Stop "shoulding" on yourself! Surrendering is letting go of needing to control everything and everyone in our own life. Coercion is an act of force, to compel something. The practice of coercion around our circumstances demonstrates a separation from God; through impatience, we demonstrate a lack of faith. When we coerce changes, (often impulsively out of fear, worry, anxiety, upset and desperation) that serve our human Ego driven agendas, we cut God out of the equation, leaving little to no room for God to creatively work on our behalf, for us, and through us.

It’s important to understand that surrendering does not mean “doing nothing!” It takes great courage, regardless the perception of our human eyes, to hold steady in faith that everything is absolutely Divine Perfection, and to know God is present through it all. As we move into surrender, we open ourselves up to receiving Divine inspiration, to be guided into right action around what to do differently, more productively, and from a place of greater Self awareness.

Our level of Consciousness is the key to how gracefully we maneuver through challenging times. When we are wrapped up in the lower vibration zone of human emotion, we can not see the forest for the trees. But with effort, and in setting an intention to become more self-aware, we can begin put on the brakes, and step back, breathe and check in with ourselves around how we are showing up in the moment. Taking a time out is a great tool to raise our self awareness. Meditation following the situation can help us to tune in and reflect on what just transpired. Journaling is also a great tool for processing what’s happening, how it feels and how different choices could nurture a more positive experience moving forward.

Whether its rain or tear drops falling today, whether its staying under a hot shower a little longer or enjoying a long hot bath, whether we’re in a swimming pool or in the Atlantic, we are invited by water to take a moment and reflect from a higher place of awareness to not only open up, but how to open up more fully to a positive change. Opening up, just as surrender, is not a passive, discouraged acceptance of our inner world or outer reality, but a courageous shift into trusting the new life that is expressing and unfolding through us.