How To Stop Taking Things Personally

Have you ever experienced the following, or something similar?

• We’re walking through a grocery store and a woman impatiently huffs as she passes by to get to where she needs to be.
• We are driving down the street and going the speed limit, and the person behind us is tailing us, honking their horn, then suddenly passes and gives us a dirty look.
• We arrive to an appointment and the receptionist isn’t overly friendly, and barely looks at you when you approach to announce your arrival.
  

We often take these things personally, asking, “what did I do?”  We may jump to conclusions about that person – they are rude, hateful, selfish, assholes.  We find reasons to make how they are behaving wrong so we may feel better about ourselves after taking it personally.  We judge them, scoff them or mirror back the same attitude and energy right back to the offender.  In these examples, we take it personally.

In taking these behaviors from others personally, we all too often blame them for how we feel when these encounters happen.  Why?  Because we ourselves are often insecure or have low self-esteem, or not in the right space to be compassionate.  If we were secure, centered in who we are, we may respond with surprise, shock, and even compassion or empathy.  Instead, we tend to judge and deem someone as rude and inappropriate.  Debbie Ford, author of The Darkside of the Lightchasers, explains that when we judge others for how they show up, we are judging ourselves because we see a part of ourselves in them, and/or their behaviors at a subconscious level.

Reacting in judgment makes assumptions from our own life experience filters, beliefs and self-esteem.  Responding pauses and reflects on what may be going on at a deeper level. It’s never okay to be rude to others, but if we pause to consider what’s going on beneath the surface of the situation, we may begin to make it less about us, and more about the person from a place of compassion. Consider these scenarios again:

• We’re walking through a grocery store and a woman huffs as she passes by to get where she needs to be.
• Maybe she’s a single mom trying to get home before her kids get home from school and are left on the front step with no way to get inside. 
• Maybe she just had a fender bender and is frustrated and upset because of the hassle and now she’s late for work.
• We’re driving down the street and going the speed limit, and the person behind us is tailing us, honking their horn, then suddenly passes by and gives us a dirty look.
• Maybe he’s running late to work because the sitter arrived late, and if he’s late again, he loses his job.
• Maybe he’s just learned his son is at the ER and is trying to get there to make sure he’s okay.
• We arrive to an appointment and the receptionist isn’t overly friendly, and barely looks at you when you approach to announce your arrival.
• Maybe she just got chewed out for something she did wrong and is feeling stung by the verbal chastisement.
• Maybe she’s blue because her mom is in the hospital dying and she needs the job to feed her kids, and is sad she cannot be there with her.
• Maybe she’s considering suicide and just doesn’t care about life.  

Whatever the underlying reason for why people behave as they do, they most need from us our compassion.  Compassion isn’t available if we are in the zone of judgment and taking their actions personally.  As empaths, we can really take what people say and do to heart.  Regardless whether you are an empath or not, learn how to stop taking things personally.  If you do take it personally, consider it a universal spirit invitation to look at yourself through the experience of those who are offending you.


#1 - Realize that other people's rudeness is not about you. When someone is rude it's likely to be a reflection of their own issues. Everyone has problems, not just us.  Be aware others’ problems may be getting the best of them at that time.
#2 – Ask yourself what else the comment or behavior might mean.  For example, if someone doesn’t smile or say hello, they might be shy. Explore beyond the surface for possibilities that doesn’t make it about you.
#3 – Take comments or criticism in a constructive way.  Ask yourself if there’s any truth to it and what you can learn.  If you are unwilling to do so, you are not open to being honest with yourself and personal. growth.
#4 – Take a different perspective. Ask yourself how an unbiased outsider would see the situation.  Objectively ask someone outside of the situation for an objective point of view.
#5 – Realize that you cannot please everyone.  Our job is not to make other people happy, but to make ourselves happy.  Some people choose and thrive on unhappiness.
#6 – Know that you’re not defined by your mistakes or criticism.  Even if the criticism is warranted, but not delivered in the best manner, recognize #1, implement #2, #3 and #4, and remember #5.
#7 – Realize that your self-worth depends on you. It does not depend on what others say about you.  If what they are saying resonates with you, consider #3.  If it doesn’t, remember #1, #5 and #6.

List provided compliments of HealthyPlace.com 

Spiritual Wisdom in Fishing for Men

I’ve been off and on the online dating sites now for just over a decade, joining when Match. Com became all the rage. My experiences with these sites have been less than wonderful as advertised on TV. I have heard of success stories but I’ve also heard some of these weren’t so successful after the marriage was in force.

I’ve done Match, Yahoo Personals, EHarmony, and a few others that were “one hit wonders”, and most recently, Plenty of Fish. My experiences have run the gamut: meeting those who want to dive right into a relationship after the first phone call, some who reel me in via email then once they have my number, disappear. Others have called a time or two then disappear with no explanation; then a few have made it to the first meeting, usually in a coffee shop, and then dissipate into thin air as if Scotty just beamed them up! I’ve also had a few I’ve met that looked nothing like their 10-year old college photo they posted. One dating relationship lasted all of two dates; a third date was scheduled but he was 30 minutes late, so I left, after which I got a call saying he was on his way, to hold tight, he'd be there in twenty. As if!

The last and most successful dating result, though an unsuccessful dating experience, lasted for ten months, and in hindsight, that was probably too long. In fact, I’m stretching it to say ten, as it was off and on, hot and cold, and borderline stalking for the last three months. In the last couple of years, trusting my own intuition around dating has been my greatest challenge. There were "red flags" and intuitive nudges early, early on in the “getting to know you” stage that I simply dismissed. My problem is I see the potential in someone and as a life coach and intuitive, I see beneath the surface their spirit, and the potential of what they are capable of being. I can detach from any expectations when I work with my students and clients as they move through their journey; but I’m still mastering letting go of that similar problem women have with “bad boys”: believing we can change them. I don’t date bad boys but I've noticed I'm dating men who are in need of healing. It’s what I’ve been attracting lately and I am re-evaluating how and why. It may simply be one of those job hazards I have to monitor more closely.

So, in the last relationship, I tried to “develop” him into his fullest potential and he was open to it; he’d play along for a very short while, then he’d rebel. Not one to give up a challenge, I continued to give many benefits of the doubt, second, third and fifteenth chances, all the while “coaching” him on how to implement change each time he wanted me back. Eventually, after my head started hurting from banging it against the wall, I got the long ignored intuitive message: Time to move on.

And so, I’m fishing the "plenty" of the sea again, and dusting off old dating lessons to revisit and review. The phrases my students and clients hear me say constantly I am now saying to my self daily: it (dating) is a process; don’t get attached to the outcome; don’t take things so personally! And in dating, I’m learning not to assume that once they are interested they will actually stick around. Message received, Spirit!

Once upon a time I had dating down to a science and was quite successful. A girl has to eat and I was well-fed when in Denver, and when I was fed up, figuratively speaking, of how things were going, I confidently said, "Thank you but no thanks. Next!" I’m embracing this approach again, and remembering how to weed the garden of possibilities. I can’t do anything about someone not showing up in this process, and in hindsight, I appreciate it happening on the front end v. half way through. And as for my latest online dating venture, I am grateful for the abundance of interest and responses I've had – overwhelming, to say the least. I guess there are plenty of fish in the sea. Here fishy, fishy, fishy.

Life by our Design

Can we really design our life? I say YES we can!

I once believed that I was at the mercy of Life. Some of this came from a Catholic upbringing and hearing that as long as I pleased God, I would be rewarded; of course if I didn’t, I would be punished. Well-meaning as this teaching is, I learned that I didn’t deserve the goodness of God unless I proved my worth, my value. I also lived in a place of victimization believing that bad things happening to me was punishment from God. I (and so many of us do) hosted pity parties because my life wasn’t going the way I wanted it, people “did” things to me, and I had no control. I wallowed in this self-pity and placed myself in the category of “helpless.”

But when I came to understand God as a loving Source that desires us to experience all of God’s Goodness, I began to let go of the “stinking thinking” that I did deserved to be in the mess I was in. I made choices that created my mess – choices that didn’t serve me well, and as a result, unconsciously manifested less than desirable results: lack of financial flow, unfulfilling jobs, unhealthy relationships. Unwittingly, I chose to accept these as the “best” that God had to offer me, but in fact, I created these less than desirable circumstances because it is what I believed God believed I was worthy of having.

I couldn’t have been further from the truth and if you are thinking the same way, please stop! God loves us and provides for us, unconditionally. We can drive ourselves to insanity if we keep choosing to live life by what we think God wants us to do. Rather, God wants us to live our life based on what we want to do; there is divine guidance that propels us into a spiritual calling of service in some capacity. Lawyers serve; doctors serve; trash collectors serve. Our contributions, no matter how large or small, significantly contribute. But we are called to expand our willingness to serve in a greater way and more importantly, to receive more of the infinite possibilities of how to live this expanded life of goodness! When we open up to YES in our lives, to receiving more of the infinite abundance God has to offer, we begin to attract that into our experience. But we must open up to it; we must want it and we must believe it is ours to have. If we live from a place of self-pity, helplessness, a belief system of lack, unworthiness or that we’re not good enough in God’s or anyone else’s eyes, we shall forever block the flow God’s Goodness.

After having several unsuccessful relationships over the last eleven years, I began to see my heart’s yearning for true love as a lost cause. Stopping this pity party before it even began, I consciously reviewed these relationships and learned from them – what I wanted, didn’t want and what I knew I deserved. From here, I began creating a relationship with my Beloved by my own design. I affirmed he was out there through affirmative prayer, outlining who he was as an expression of God. I believed this man already in my life, “talking” to him once in a while, feeling him close to me as I lie in bed, and visualizing my day to day activities as if he was by my side. For a full year, I committed to this design I created, believing it and living it within myself. I'd done a great deal of relationship healing prior to this time, but it was through this exercise towards clarity that I was able to identify what I truly wanted. Today my Beloved exists in physical form and I’m starting a wonderful new life with him. I continue to affirm our relationship as perfect expression of God and all that God is – love, joy, harmony, peace, abundance, wisdom. I powerfully manifested him, and I didn’t have to work that hard to find him. He presented himself to me but I took the necessary steps to carry forward this manifestation into reality. And I’ve never been happier, or more in love with anyone in my entire life.

What do you want to design in your life? Believe that you can do this! But be clear on what you want. Without clarity, you will attract and create a whole mess of things if you’re not careful. Believe it or not, we each are very powerful in this ability to manifest that which we desire, in the negative or positive direction. If you’re not sure what you want but that you want something different, get help sorting through all the possibilities so you can clearly define what that is. It was through the support of my Spiritual Life Coach that I was able to recognize that I am employed by God as “God’s Building Contractor” of my Life. I’ve had a few remodels in this lifetime, but let me tell you that with each remodel, God’s House greatly expands to offer more meaningful and greater experiences.

Is your Life due for a remodel?