How To Stop Taking Things Personally

Have you ever experienced the following, or something similar?

• We’re walking through a grocery store and a woman impatiently huffs as she passes by to get to where she needs to be.
• We are driving down the street and going the speed limit, and the person behind us is tailing us, honking their horn, then suddenly passes and gives us a dirty look.
• We arrive to an appointment and the receptionist isn’t overly friendly, and barely looks at you when you approach to announce your arrival.
  

We often take these things personally, asking, “what did I do?”  We may jump to conclusions about that person – they are rude, hateful, selfish, assholes.  We find reasons to make how they are behaving wrong so we may feel better about ourselves after taking it personally.  We judge them, scoff them or mirror back the same attitude and energy right back to the offender.  In these examples, we take it personally.

In taking these behaviors from others personally, we all too often blame them for how we feel when these encounters happen.  Why?  Because we ourselves are often insecure or have low self-esteem, or not in the right space to be compassionate.  If we were secure, centered in who we are, we may respond with surprise, shock, and even compassion or empathy.  Instead, we tend to judge and deem someone as rude and inappropriate.  Debbie Ford, author of The Darkside of the Lightchasers, explains that when we judge others for how they show up, we are judging ourselves because we see a part of ourselves in them, and/or their behaviors at a subconscious level.

Reacting in judgment makes assumptions from our own life experience filters, beliefs and self-esteem.  Responding pauses and reflects on what may be going on at a deeper level. It’s never okay to be rude to others, but if we pause to consider what’s going on beneath the surface of the situation, we may begin to make it less about us, and more about the person from a place of compassion. Consider these scenarios again:

• We’re walking through a grocery store and a woman huffs as she passes by to get where she needs to be.
• Maybe she’s a single mom trying to get home before her kids get home from school and are left on the front step with no way to get inside. 
• Maybe she just had a fender bender and is frustrated and upset because of the hassle and now she’s late for work.
• We’re driving down the street and going the speed limit, and the person behind us is tailing us, honking their horn, then suddenly passes by and gives us a dirty look.
• Maybe he’s running late to work because the sitter arrived late, and if he’s late again, he loses his job.
• Maybe he’s just learned his son is at the ER and is trying to get there to make sure he’s okay.
• We arrive to an appointment and the receptionist isn’t overly friendly, and barely looks at you when you approach to announce your arrival.
• Maybe she just got chewed out for something she did wrong and is feeling stung by the verbal chastisement.
• Maybe she’s blue because her mom is in the hospital dying and she needs the job to feed her kids, and is sad she cannot be there with her.
• Maybe she’s considering suicide and just doesn’t care about life.  

Whatever the underlying reason for why people behave as they do, they most need from us our compassion.  Compassion isn’t available if we are in the zone of judgment and taking their actions personally.  As empaths, we can really take what people say and do to heart.  Regardless whether you are an empath or not, learn how to stop taking things personally.  If you do take it personally, consider it a universal spirit invitation to look at yourself through the experience of those who are offending you.


#1 - Realize that other people's rudeness is not about you. When someone is rude it's likely to be a reflection of their own issues. Everyone has problems, not just us.  Be aware others’ problems may be getting the best of them at that time.
#2 – Ask yourself what else the comment or behavior might mean.  For example, if someone doesn’t smile or say hello, they might be shy. Explore beyond the surface for possibilities that doesn’t make it about you.
#3 – Take comments or criticism in a constructive way.  Ask yourself if there’s any truth to it and what you can learn.  If you are unwilling to do so, you are not open to being honest with yourself and personal. growth.
#4 – Take a different perspective. Ask yourself how an unbiased outsider would see the situation.  Objectively ask someone outside of the situation for an objective point of view.
#5 – Realize that you cannot please everyone.  Our job is not to make other people happy, but to make ourselves happy.  Some people choose and thrive on unhappiness.
#6 – Know that you’re not defined by your mistakes or criticism.  Even if the criticism is warranted, but not delivered in the best manner, recognize #1, implement #2, #3 and #4, and remember #5.
#7 – Realize that your self-worth depends on you. It does not depend on what others say about you.  If what they are saying resonates with you, consider #3.  If it doesn’t, remember #1, #5 and #6.

List provided compliments of HealthyPlace.com