Living the Lies of Others

If someone asked you to strip yourself of every label you have – parent, child, co-worker, boss, friend, spouse, church member, etc. - what would be left? We take on and live many roles in our lives in which we wear different facades or masks. But are we being our authentic selves when in these roles? 

Are we living a life that reflects the authentic nature of our true spiritual being,

which is love, peace, creative power, wisdom, beauty, joy, and light?

 

Or are we living a life that authentically reflects false ideas

about who we are, who we are expected to be?

 

Do we live via our acceptance of other people's opinions, rules and expectations of

who we should be, how we should act, the work we should be doing, the lives we should be living?

We all are on a spiritual journey from the day we are born; but most people are not aware of it. Most people are living life in a dream state, completely unaware of their purpose for being in this human experience.  I awakened in my spiritual journey fourteen years ago.  I woke up to the realization that my (our) purpose is to re-member the Truth and Essence of who I am (we are) as a child(ren) of God. I re-membered that my (our) mission in this human experience is to reconnect with that Truth and Essence through the process of healing consciousness. Consciousness means becoming astutely aware of how we live under false pretenses. We live these lies we learned from the influential people in our lives (parents, family, significant others, teachers, etc.), personal experiences, society, media, religion, culture, and from our own incredibly convincing negative self-talk.

What do you believe about yourself?  For decades, I believed I was not worthy of being heard, and that my feelings did not count. I believed that to be loved, I needed a man's validation, beginning with my father, then every boyfriend thereafter. I sought external approval from everyone in my life, because without it I was unwanted and unlovable. I believed that God was “out there” somewhere watching my every move, ready to punish me if I displeased Him. I believed I was fat even when I wore a size 8, and that food was my only reliable comfort and friend. I believed I was incomplete, and looked to everything outside of me to fill that void.

Ever lose something only to realize it was never really lost, but right under your nose the whole time? Little did I know I was never lost, but just looking in all the wrong places to be found!

When we understand that we have adopted, and accordingly lived up to other people's perceptions, ideas, and beliefs as our own, we realize we are not who we think we are! This realization becomes extremely unsettling and uncomfortable. Suddenly, we face a life-changing choice.

Do we step out of our comfort zone and explore who we really are? 

 

Or do we keep chugging along feeling unsatisfied and exhausted

from living up to the false pretenses that others project onto us?

The first choice requires change, and leads to “oh shit” moments of emotional discomfort and purging. Initially uncomfortable, we soon move into the liberation of the immense burdens we carry in the way of guilt, shame, anger, resentment, and grudges. In releasing all the emotional baggage, we feel exposed as the facades of victim, persecutor and/or martyr crack under the healing process. We become keenly aware of how we have given our personal power away to so many people. In this effort towards authenticity, we wrap ourselves with self-love, compassion and forgiveness. Once stripped of all our baggage, we are freed to create the lives that we quietly desire, filled with love, joy, abundance, and peace.

The second choice is easier, more comfortable than change. It keeps us chained to life as we know it, cozy in our cloaks of victim, persecutor, and/or martyr. We remain bogged down, exhausted and drained by the guilt, shame, anger, resentment and grudges. We know what to expect, taking comfort in the belief that the world and life itself works against us. We continue to allow our lives to be run by circumstances, experiences, and events. We steadily move forward against strong winds pushing us back, anchoring us deeper in our belief that we never get ahead in life. We dutifully bear the cross of our emotional baggage, feeling burdened, down-trodden in our lives filled with drama, upheaval, and energy draining chaos.

If you had to choose, which would be more appealing?

When I chose to liberate myself of false pretenses, I willingly conducted a mental inventory of what I thought and believed about myself and everything; and how these showed up through my life's choices, behaviors and actions. Today, I love, respect and believe in myself, and now create healthier love relationships. I laugh with abandon, cry without shame, and I confidently express my feelings without fear of another's disapproval. I validate myself, and believe I offer great value in this world. I know God is ever present within me, guiding me and operating through me as love. I experience human moments and slip now and again; but the difference from ten years ago is that today, I am centered in knowing the Truth and Essence of who I am. When I stumble, I get up, regroup, and I move ahead centered in my authentic self, making new choices, changes that reflect the Truth of who I am. I long ago retired the stick I used to beat myself up.

 

Living authentically is a choice. It takes a great deal of courage to look at our personal stuff, to inventory unproductive belief systems, thoughts, habits, and choices. Even more courageous is the decision to say “I want something different,” and to step into changing how we think, choose and show up in our life. In doing so, we strip ourselves of the false pretenses, and don the Emperor's new clothes to reveal the beautiful authenticity of our Essence to the world. You discover who you truly are, your own personal truth, and embark on a new way of being, living, and showing up in your life.

Are you ready to live a fabulous life of authenticity?

 

Author's Note:  If you are interested in discovering how you may living life under false pretenses, and how to step more fully into your authentic life, you're invited to attend a FREE information session called Infinite Possibilities on Friday evening, August 30, from 6 - 8 p.m. in Owensboro, KY.  For more information and/or to reserve your seat, please contact Carolyn at journeywisdomblog@gmail.com.

What Would Buddha Do When a Loved One Dies?

I just sent the April Soaring Dove Connection newsletter that discusses the loss of a loved one and how those of us left behind are left wondering if he or she is okay and how to go on without them. If you haven’t had a chance to read it, or if you do not receive it on a regular basis, please click here. I write this blog as a follow up.

I recently acquired a wonderful book called What Would Buddha Do? An interesting take on the popular “What Would Jesus Do,” it takes the teachings of Buddha and breaks down the many areas of life, such as love, insecurity of self, doing the right thing, walking life’s path, to name but a few, expanding the teaching from a modern perspective. Ironically, I just opened this book to the section of love, and came across the question: “What would Buddha do when a loved one dies?” I wanted to share the teaching through this venue as a follow up to the April issue of Soaring Dove's eNewsletter.

“Not through weeping and grief do we obtain peace of mind. We increase misery; we harm our bodies. We become thin and pale, destroying ourselves by our own power.” Sutta Nipata 584

Buddha doesn’t intend that we as humans are not to mourn our loss through tears, for as humans, our feelings do demand expression, regardless of whether that expression brings embarrassment or tears to us or those who watch. Consider how you feel when you or another is expressing his or her grief. Are you uncomfortable because you have not fully grieved a loss? Are you embarrassed to share your feelings lest you feel vulnerable and weak? Are you in touch with your emotions about the loss or have you steeled yourself against them in order to be strong as our society demands and even expects it?

When life ends, we do need to mourn, but once we have faced and expressed our grief, we have to let it go. This is the challenging part for many of us; we want to hold on to our grief, which means that we are holding on to the one whose loss prompts the grief. After awhile, this emotionally-gripping attachment drains us and prevents the direction of our energy of love to someone or something else and/or new in our life. Grief is indeed a process, but when we hang on to it as the theme for our personal (often unconscious) agenda to unproductively hold us hostage to victimization and self-pity, we then misuse our personal power, and begin that process of self-destruction that Buddha speaks of in the above teaching.

Our letting go of our loved one and moving on with living our life does not dishonor his or her memory, for we forever remain attached to him or her in love through our hearts. In doing so, we honor all that their presence contributed in our journey during which time we mutually shared a path. They continue to live through us and our personal expression of power; sometimes this is expressed positively and/or unproductively. Regardless, when we can heal our hearts, we can begin to understand that we are always and forever One with our loved one who once served, and who continues to serve us as a teacher, even when physically absent in our life.

The Vast Pit of the Unknown

There are times in life when everything seems uncertain, and we are, in every way, left in limbo, hanging perilously over a crevice of the unknown. You know this limbo if you have ever lost your job unexpectedly; lost a loved one; pulled up roots and moved to a new town or state; finished an educational chapter in your life(i.e. college, high school) and/or preparing to move into a new career; started a new family; lost a family; divorced; started a new relationship; or collapsed under financial blows, just to name a few. Personally, I am hanging over one of the biggest canyons of the unknown that I’ve ever encountered in my life.

These crossroads are opportunities if we allow them to be; endings and beginnings from which we can learn so much about ourselves and our hearts if we consciously take the time for introspection. These times of limbo are challenging, tiring, overwhelming and frankly, extremely frustrating and unsettling. And yet in that energy, we can productively or unproductively handle ourselves in many different ways. And regardless of anything, how we move through the experience ultimately determines how long we stay stuck in the middle of that crossroad, how well we move out of it, and how easily we manage the next challenge as we move along in our journey. Trust me there are always more crossroads in the journey.

I am currently experiencing a “super-sized” helping of limbo in my life. I stand not just in one crossroad but multiple crossroads that leave me turned around without any sense of knowing what direction to head, never mind what lies before me as options in my journey. As you may have read previously, my mom is dying, and she will be experiencing the ultimate of transitions as she moves into new Life beyond this physical existence. When we the living experience life transitions, we have an opportunity to change our own existence, a new way of showing up in life, a way that expresses more fully, more brightly that Light Within each of us, that who we truly are.

Shamanism is an ancient spiritual practice of indigenous tribes. The Shaman, in many cases, literally experiences a physical death and rebirth, and/or an extreme spiritual death and rebirth through a major life-changing event. Through this experience, the Shaman is said to have greater insight and wisdom of Life that is revered within the tribe. I have moved through what feels like many shamanistic experiences in my life, in which I have felt scrubbed clean of old beliefs, Egoistic perceptions of who I am; such cleansings have led to healing my heart, while simultaneously filling it with love and forgiveness. These experiences, and my work on Self, released old and unhealthy energies of resentment, self righteousness, anger, loathing and bitterness that I held for myself and towards so many others.

Not all of life’s limbos will be extreme; but they may feel like they are as you are in them. Every time I think I’m in my most challenging life transition yet, I am continually amazed at what comes up next, and how much more powerful and challenging it seems to be. How I respond to the transitions impact how well I move through them. And with each experience, I’ve learned to resist less, surrender more, and trust that Divine clarity around the “what next” will be provided in due time. Today, I stand still in the space of time where everything around me spins, seemingly out of control, and there is no sense for me on how I fit into it any of it. My strength comes in standing still, centered in God Within. The surge of the chaotic energies around me leaves me wobbly at times, threatening my Sense of Self and well-being. In those moments, I’m reminded to simply step up my spiritual practices of centering through meditation, self-care and nurturing, to remain an Observer rather than getting sucked into the chaos around me, and to be consciously present in every moment. I’m called to review old baggage and belief systems I have held, decipher them through spiritually-enlightened eyes, and begin a healing process so I may release the past and all lower vibrating energies that go with it. I’m also called to stay out of the future, and to simply be present in the here and now, and find the gratitude with each day, and sometimes in each moment.

And as challenging, frustrating and exhausting as it is to be in this space of such unknowns in all areas of my life, I have to smile. I smile because I know that whatever is on the other side of this super-sized life transition is absolute goodness: joy, love, peace, harmony, abundance, wisdom, and greater creative power. I know I will view life and everyone around me in an even more loving and appreciative way than ever before. I know I will show up more brightly and vibrantly in this world; and that my Light will attract even more goodness, brighten lives, and awaken the spirit within others. How do I know? Because I have spiritually died with each transition, and experienced a rebirth of joy, peace and faith, greater than I’ve known before. The process, if one leans into it with a willingness to have honest and deep introspection, can be beautiful, an exhilarating, and exciting experience that makes all that seemed hard and uncertain through the process melt away and feeling it was worth it.

What I speak of here isn’t a new message; we are always called to step up in a more consciously higher way whenever facing life’s adversities. I’m challenging you to become more conscious in how you manage these experiences, and to spend more time in gratitude and the anticipated glory of whatever is next for you rather than in the victim energies of resistance, anger, upset and resentment. We always feel the latter, its normal so allow those emotions to flow. But don’t “park” your life in these energies, otherwise you risk delaying your arrival at destination “Even Better.”

Oh, and remember, there are many destinations in life’s journey; once you arrive, don’t forget that while it may serve you well, there’s usually another one waiting for you down the road, another “even better.” Sometimes, we may willingly choose to move on; but if we get too comfortable with where we are now, and when Universal timing is right, God may rear-end us into forward motion, forcing us to move on to more Self-awareness and goodness that awaits us.

Love and Light to you all.