Friday, June 1, 2012
The concept of friendships has been at the forefront of my contemplations of late. Loss of friendships; the meaning of friendships; the missing of friendships; and the revival of friendships past all have been on the radar this last year. Friendship has been a recurring theme of my healing and growth. Life is ever-changing and friendships are no exception to change.
I’ve lost a few friendships this year that left me wondering if they were truly healthy friendships. Through the loss I’ve gained a greater clarity and understanding of what a meaningful friendship represents to me. I can count on a few fingers how many friendships I’ve lost over situations that simply didn’t get resolved to the point of animosity. No reason exists for the inability to find respectful resolution other than resentment and grudges (which typically reflect self-righteousness and arrogant pride) by one or both parties involved, through the failure to communicate, disrespect, lack of consideration of another person’s feelings, or simply a need to have things seen or be one’s way. My spiritual life coach often comments on how incredibly self-reflective I am, willing and able to look at every angle of a situation, even from others’ point of view. I do so sometimes to the point of over-analyzing and/or taking on too much responsibility in any given situation. Thankfully, I’ve been provided with support systems that gently say, “Snap out of it!” when I go down that path of bearing too much of the cross. I’ve learned to take responsibility for my actions and mine alone, while restraining the “rescuer” and "pushover" in me from taking on everyone stuff. Out of these losses, I’ve keenly become more aware of my own value system, and how I adopted and participated in friendships that were out of alignment with these values. Through this reflection, I’ve learned to raise the bar on what a meaningful friendship is for me, how I reflect that as a friend, and how others reflect it to honor and respect who I am as well.
In this effort, I’ve gained a friendship that exemplifies the new found understanding of the aforementioned lesson learned. Within this friendship exists many differences, yet we manage them with reverent love and respect. We don’t always see eye-to-eye but we discuss those differences without either of us needing to be right or making the other person wrong. We beautifully dance together among the differences sans self-righteousness, selfishness, and demands that expectations be met, creating a harmoniously coordinated movement through times of disagreement and challenge. In that dance, we developed trust to speak our individual truths without persecution or punishment aimed at the other. This trust deeply anchors our connection and loyalty as we support each other in trying times. We honor each others' need for space without insecurity or compromised senses-of-self. This friendship reflects and encourages multifaceted opportunities in which our friendship welcomes varying interests, other friends with whom we connect and socialize without either needing to be an integral part of it in the name of insecurity or control. This new found friendship is built on a solid foundation that is nurtured every single day with care, selflessness, respect, trust, and unconditional love and support.
I’ve also missed friendships I left behind in Colorado this year, like-minded friendships steeped in the spiritual essence of who I am at the core of my being: peaceful, joyous, loving, harmonious, compassionate, spiritual, and caring. These beautiful friendships of feminine divine connectedness reflect love, self-confidence, selflessness, and goddess beauty; not jealousy, melodrama, victimization, competition for attention, or cattiness. Coming together for community involves sharing of a few glasses of wine, good food, laughter and whimsical musings. These friendships feed the soul, leaving one filled with vibrant energy, not feeling drained or exhausted. My beautiful spiritual sisters from Colorado inspire, motivate and cheer each other on, listen attentively in support, allow each other space to be who we are, and render freely unconditional love and acceptance no matter the situation. Finding such friendships are rare as the gemstones of black opal or red beryl emerald, and they are to be handled with care, tenderly as the precious treasures they are.
Finally, I’ve revived a past friendship that somewhere along life’s path faded like a ship into the night. This friendship was truly a gift from God upon my arrival to Colorado thirteen years ago as I started a new life in a strange place as a stranger to everything and everyone. A recent blog post about my journey into my new life flushed this friendship from the past after several years of disconnect, a loss I mourned at the time. This friendship exemplified a sisterhood in which we hung out, had fun but also laid our hearts out to share our deepest worries, fears, and greatest dreams; again, no drama,
no angst, no pity parties. The foundation of this friendship was solid, evident upon the recent reunion via email in which despite the years and the many life changes we’ve added to our ticker tape of experience, the rhythm of the friendship fell into its original place of trust, just like old times.
Like the root base of a tree, the foundation of a friendship determines the strength, the durability, the depth, and the longevity of the connection and its quality. Without the roots of trust, open and healthy communication, respect, integrity, sacred reverence, and unconditional love and acceptance, a friendship cannot withstand the times of change, bumps and challenges. These characteristics I seek in any relationship, but most especially that of my friendships. I honor all the beautiful people within my friendships from the past, present, and those yet to be, for they are my soul mates teaching me, challenging me to expand my soul and its Light in this life. All with whom I’ve traveled the road of friendships I send love, blessings and gratitude for teaching me who I am. Thank you.