When we recall a past experience that
was less than desirable without the energetic charge of Egoic emotion
(sadness, upset, anger, resentment, grudges, blame, loathing, regret,
hurt, etc.) as well as without commentary leaning in this emotional
direction, we know true healing and peace around it. Yet, the human
Ego can fool you!
After my divorce, I boastfully
pronounced “I'm good with it,” or “It was for the best,” only
to have another burp of resentment, hurt and anger come up later.
Over the years, I felt differing levels of emotion about it, yet
convincingly brushing them off while simultaneously retelling the
woeful story of how my ex abandoned me and our marriage. The Egoic
Self really can (mis)lead us into believing we are over whatever and
whomever hurt us in the past. Clients will tell me they've forgiven
their exes, then spend the next twenty minutes outlining every detail
of how their hearts were broken. Consider this a red flag:
When we are emotionally engaged in the blow-by-blow account of the
telling and retelling our achy-breaky heart story about a former
spouse/lover, a past job or boss, a friendship betrayal, a family
member who screwed us, or a stranger that dissed us, it is a sure
bet we are not over it, much less healed around it and in a place of
genuine forgiveness. Furthermore, know that it is the Egoic Self working
really hard to not only convince others, but to convince us
that our being over it is true. Our sweet Ego means
well in protecting us from past hurt. After all, its job is
self-preservation in the human experience, doing whatever it can to
make us feel better about our life's experiences. The Egoic Self
builds brick by brick the wall of avoidance to contain the underlying
(and most likely painful) emotion still in need of healing Light and
love. But alas, these emotional goblins eventually bob to the
surface, especially when a present-day experience triggers unfinished
business of past heartache left unhealed.
The process of healing happens
differently for everyone. After my divorce, I hosted pity-parties on
both my wedding and divorce anniversaries, and every Valentine's Day.
The attendees included distinguished guests such as Depression,
“Poor me,” “Nobody Wants Me,” Anger, Resentment, and, ever
the life of the party, Blame. Over the years, counseling and life
coaching eased the intense heartache, which changed the guest list
somewhat. Heartbreak celebrities such as Melancholy, Wistful Regret,
and Guilt attended later parties. Healing around my divorce happened
in many phases, and was often connected to recent relationship
breakups that triggered the Egoic emotion commonly associated with
the loss of a marriage. Most of my healing work started at the
mental and emotional level; however, deeper healing occurred when I
began working with my spiritual mentor, and the teachings of Ernest
Holmes.
Eight years after signing divorce
papers, I experienced a healing breakthrough that liberated my heart.
During meditation, I opened myself to greater understanding and
healing around the divorce. I breathed deeply, opening my heart
completely to spiritual guidance. Suddenly, a quiet voice
from Within spoke these gentle loving words: Your husband left
you so you may continue on in your journey to be who you are intended
to be within this human experience. The message took my breath
away, as if someone suddenly opened a curtain to fully reveal truth
like I had never experienced it. He agreed to be the bad guy
within this soul contract, to leave you and your marriage, because as
a creature of commitment, you would never dishonor the “death do us
part” vow, and move forward in following your life's intended path
and purpose in this journey.
Relief and humility flowed through my
tears. Understanding flooded my consciousness as compassion poured
out me for my ex-husband. I fought hard to keep and
save the marriage, for the perfectionist in me could not face the
failure and rejection. The insecure and needy little girl inside me
did not want to face living life alone, feeling unloved and unwanted.
In this new revelation, I felt true peace, and an incredible rush of
warm love for my ex-husband like I'd never felt for him before. How difficult it must have
been for him to walk away, to honor his part of our soul agreement,
as I begged and pleaded through tears to give us another chance.
His unwillingness to relent to my pleas forced me into no other
choice but to move on with the divorce. In that moment, I felt
forgiveness deep within me, revealing
the Egoic version of forgiveness for the fraud it is. I felt honored
by the unconditional love my ex-husband showed in walking away. The brick walls of
avoidance holding years of resentment, anger, upset, and hurt fell
away, allowing healing Light to transform these dark emotions long
hidden in my unconscious view. I let go of this leftover
baggage that kept me and my spirit weary. Even my Egoic
Self felt relief from this burden. My heart filled with gratitude
for my ex-husband, and his support of my journey as a spiritual being
in the human experience.
The healing process around my divorced
happened in several stages over many years. It varies for everyone,
happening on different timetables. How quickly
the healing happens depends on how ready and willing we are to let go
of our baggage; and to open up to a deeper understanding of the role those involved had at a soul level. Their role supports us in re-membering the
spiritual Truth of who we are in the human experience.
If the past haunts your present, you
are being invited to step into deeper healing around these ghostly
experiences. With support from a spiritual mentor, teacher or coach,
and that of our Higher Self, we can rid ourselves of unproductive,
limiting baggage through deep spiritual healing work, and know true
spiritual peace, not the Egoic knockoff version.
For me, September 8th is now
like any other day. Oh joyful day!
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