Friday, July 31, 2009

God's Ever Presence

There is such a flux of emotion moving through me, and I’m unsure how to identify them. They are blended, as threads are in fabric, so tightly that I can not compartmentalize what it is I feel. But as with fabric, I know that in the blend, all that is moving through me physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually creates a beautiful product called me. I know that as I move through this experience with my mother, one that is intertwined with many other spiritually shifting experiences in my life right now, I am shifting higher in vibration, deeper in Consciousness, and becoming wider awake in Self-Enlightenment. Breathing is a key tool through this process. A dear friend made mention to remind me that as my mother’s breathing lessens, I must remember to breathe. I am consciously remembering to take time to myself to center, to feel what comes up. I am also remembering to reach out and ask for help – support. And most importantly, I am fighting harder against the “what if” of what’s yet to come, and to stay present in each moment. As my mom’s transition nears, this task is more challenging to remember and practice, but having the awareness makes it easier to manage; this is the power of Consciousness of God Within.

Each moment is ever changing; this is true in normal life circumstances; but the essence of moments in the presence of the dying is heightened in every possible way. The dynamics of all that this experience creates could be perceived as a jumbled wad of rubber bands or the beautiful design of a spider’s web. As I walk my dogs and enjoy the beautiful setting of my parents’ property, the Universe shares numerous spider webs to remind me of how beautiful this experience truly is, and can be if I allow it to be so. Inevitably, the pain of grief and loss will be present within it, but the beauty of the experience, any experience really, can be had if we allow ourselves to step out of the emotional space and be an observer in the moment. I’m learning the importance of balance between the Subjective and Observer, for I must honor my human Self within the experience, but I also must honor the journeys of others, i.e. my mom, dad, etc., by stepping out of “my stuff” in order to support them. I productively serve no one, including myself, through the selfishness of self-pity and victimization. My mom has role-modeled courage and spiritual Inner strength from the get-go of this illness; she’s been an excellent teacher for all of us who are here watching her move through this process.

My relationship with death has changed through this experience; it feels less foreign, especially after reading about the dying process as experienced by others, as shared by Hospice nurses who support them and their families. Knowledge truly is power, nay, empowerment, in moving through the human experience; having a greater understanding of what those who have moved through the dying process has helped me better understand and serve my mom, as well as my family. My perception of death is less alien; there’s a small part of me that envies what my mother will experience as she returns to our Source from which we all come, returning home to her soul tribe and all that is God’s Truth. I will miss her horribly after she leaves her physical vessel, but I am so deeply honored to have the opportunity to share this experience with her, and support her in it. As my dear friend Barb reminded me last evening, my mom has not only given me the gift of life, but blessed me with the gift of witnessing her rebirth into a new life, Eternal and Infinite. Thank you mom, and thank you Spirit for the opportunity.

Please accept my heartfelt thanks for continuing to hold my mom, family and me in your prayers. And thank you for the opportunity and honor to share this experience with you through this venue. Namaste.

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