Sunday, July 19, 2009

Living in the Moment

I'm finding that living in each moment can be a bit unsettling, and yet so freeing, at the same time.

For the first time since I've been up this morning, I realize it is 11:15 a.m., the inspiration and time of this writing. It's not that I just lay around doing nothing as the morning continues on; straightening the house, cleaning the kitchen, catching up on some laundry, seeing to the dogs, journaling, reading the Sunday ads, checking email, making beds, talking with mom and seeing to her needs, talking to pop, and shedding a few tears in an effort to purge building emotion. Yet, when I realized what time it was, my immediate thought was, I've gotten nothing done!

I realize that this "thought process" stems from a belief system of being that I've lived with, that many of us live with on a daily basis for many years. My life, as are most lives, function on schedules, deadlines, timelines, expectations. As the master of multitasking, I am in a time right now where multi-tasking isn't possible; my mental state is in emotional distraction around my mom and this human experience; I must stay focused on one task at a time, seeing it through before moving on to the next one at hand. Otherwise, I may complete nothing, and make myself an emotional mental wreck in attempts to juggle it all at once.

But why must we juggle it all at once? I'm really pondering this question, for I have always been proud of what a great and efficient multi-tasker I am; it was a key selling point that most employers loved seeing on my resume and in my job performance! But is it really the way we are intended to live? Our country, world, technology has created this existence. I've created this existence for my own life over the years, and thrived in it, and even seen is as who I am - Miss Efficient Multi-tasking Queen.

So when I see the list above of all that I've done this morning, and yet, hold this sense I've accomplished nothing, I question my point of reference of this conclusion. And I see that only I (with the help of our culture) have created the point of reference. I'm learning that the cookie doesn't crumble if the laundry isn't done immediately upon its creation, if emails aren't returned instantly, and blogs aren't done on a daily basis. Why do we pressure ourselves to such extremes that we burden ourselves with stress?

As I move through this experience, which I know is Divinely purposeful for me, as well as all involved, I am experiencing introspective moments that leave me feeling "aha's" and feeling unsettled at the same time. The good news, which I have to make myself consciously remember, is that I don't have to have it all figured out right this minute in order to move on through my day, week, and this experience. Hey, whadda ya know, maybe I can effectively and enjoyably live my life without having it all figured out without the timely fashion of a deadline!

Love and light.

P.S. Forgive the typos, if any. I'm getting over being perfect too! :-)

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