Sunday, February 12, 2012

For My Valentine, Wherever He Is

Over the last few months, I've been developing a deeper relationship with myself, which also deepens my relationship with God, my Creator. The more I unconditionally love and accept myself, the greater and deeper my love for my Maker who felt me worthy of breath, as well as the deeper the well of endless love I have available for another. Loving and accepting oneself doesn't mean there isn't room for improvement, and its through this personal and spiritual development that I deepen my love and acceptance for me. The deeper my love, the greater I am able to express God's love for everyone else, and especially for my Valentine.

In honor of Valentine's Day, I share with you a few quotes about true love, and my thoughts and wisdom to further expand upon these ideals. I use them as reminders, and to shift out of potential whiny self-pity parties common with singles. The quotes remind me I don't need a man in my life to fulfill or complete me (unlike Jerry McGuire's rationale). I do seek a man to experience and travel life together. These past fifteen years have been a journey of achieving this wisdom, experiencing trial and error, and finally becoming very selective in my dating choices. These quotes help me stay on track.

I want to love you, hold your hand, laugh at your jokes, walk by your side, look into your eyes, talk about whatever, and kiss your lips every single day. I love this quote because it reflects a relationship that is about the other person, rather than what we get out of it. Many times we date someone because we need something – to feel complete, to feel loved, to fill a void. Love is about giving, and in the giving, we receive. Unfortunately, many are uncomfortable receiving what we have to give, intimidated by the love we have to offer. My Valentine is open to receiving my love and my devotion.

Just like a shoe, if someone is meant for you, they will fit just perfectly. No forcing, no struggling, no pain. This quote is now my mantra for the dating experience because my past history and pattern has been to make it work, fit and happen. The struggle and pain mentioned above is reflected in worry, anxiety, apprehension and doubt, as well as the anticipation of the expected. When it feels natural, easy, graceful, you are in the flow of the experience. Relax and enjoy the moment while practicing non-attachment. Attachment has been my greatest enemy. I remember this quote when I start to shift into what the future looks like, so I may return to surrender and allow the dating process to simply unfold. If it's meant to be, it will happen.

Yes I'm single. You're gonna have to be amazing to change that. This quote reminds me not to settle for anything less than what I deserve. Guilty of this in the past, I won't let myself do it again; that's the selectivity I practice in dating. I posted this quote on Facebook recently with a tongue-in-cheek advertisement for my 2012 Valentine. It occurred to me this quote may scare men off, especially if they don't believe in themselves as having something amazing to offer to another woman. I'm a confident put-together woman who knows what she wants in life, and I need someone who is my equal in that. I've only met two men in my life who made me think, "yeah, I would consider marriage again" because I saw my equal in them. For their reasons alone, they bailed. I've been told my independence and confidence intimidates men, but I'm unwilling to renegotiate who I am for a man. I'm holding out for the one who believes he is worthy of the best I have to offer and to receive my love, just as I believe I am worthy of the best he has to offer and to receive his love.

For all singles out there, I invite you to consider celebrating V-Day and love for self and for others. The more willing we are to love ourselves, the greater our attract-ability of the one Beloved who is our match. If you don't love yourself, or treat yourself and others lovingly, you cannot foster or generate a loving relationship with The One.

Happy Valentine's Day!

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