Saturday, February 11, 2012
New Year, Right People
I set my mind to accomplish a number of things this year. I diligently conduct my daily meditation and prayer, especially on the weekends when I'd usually slack. Another simple but important goal is to nightly clean my face of makeup. Laziness often deterred me from healthy skincare, so I cleanse immediately upon arriving home after work. I also joined a gym and have managed two visits a week. Four times a week would be ideal but in reaching goals, we must acknowledge and celebrate the baby steps we take towards achieving that goal. We are not striving to be perfect overnight, but to gradually initiate change as we create a new habit. I made a decision to do more writing this year, and while its been a couple of weeks since my last entry, I averaged one blog entry a week in January. Now, I am writing a blog for work (Unique Bodies-Determined Souls) which is a huge thrill for me, so writing is definitely a commitment I'm honoring. I'm also infusing my financial life and am pleased to have already achieved one of four goals I set for this year! So as I sit and review my efforts over these last six weeks, I recognize I've accomplished more than I thought; thus, the importance of regular reevaluation, recalibration of the course, and a re-commitment to the goals.
My dear friend Leah shared a beautiful article on New Year's Eve titled, Thirty Things to Stop Doing to Yourself. Upon reviewing the list, I was tickled to see I've accomplished a majority of this list; but it's good to review and reassess how you are living your life. A few on the list I can stand to address, and another few I have accomplished but may need to improve on the tasks. I've decided to share one item on this list with you via Journey Wisdom over the next several months with a few words of personal wisdom you may or may not find of value. I learned I don't know it all but I know a lot through personal experience, and if I open myself to listen to others' words of wisdom gleaned from their own personal experiences, I may add a little something to my own wisdom treasure chest. After all, we are all in this life experience together; why not support each other and be supported in the journey? This first item is a humdinger, one of which I spent a better part of 2011 addressing.
Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth.
As a part of my “reawakening” in 2011, I realized unhealthy connections with people. I regret none of them, but 2010 and 2011 was spent keeping company with people who were unsupportive of me being my best. We each have our own definition of what “wrong people” means to us, so here I focus on defining what the “right people" are for me. I spend time with people who honor, respect, and even value my opinions, ideas, and beliefs. These individuals don't have to agree with me but they allow me to speak my truth while having a mature, respectful dialogue to facilitate understanding without judgment or retribution. My “right people” handle disagreements and conflicts with maturity that includes calm productive discussion, an openness to see both sides of the argument, and like me, have a willingness, when appropriate, to concede responsibility and/or misunderstanding, rather than blame and make excuses. They recognize I authentically speak my mind and my truth, even if it isn't what they want to hear just as I will listen to them. My “right people” know I will call them out on their crap, and that I do it because I love and care for them, otherwise I wouldn't waste my time, energy or breath. My “right people” are compassionate, open-minded, considerate of others, sensitive, loving, and live within integrity, character and honesty. We contribute our best to our relationship, and we work through our worst together, rather than try to bring each other down into ugliness, drama and hatefulness. The people I associate with are reflections of who I am and my multifaceted personality, my character, my spirit, and my values. They are supportive, not destructive.
It may seem easier to stay in a relationship that brings us down than to expend the energy required to leave it. In removing myself from the “wrong people”, I experienced a backlash from those who were hurt by my decision, and a sorrow within stemming from my grief of the loss. I took the time I needed to get clear on who I am as a person, and who I want to surround myself with as a reflection of me and my values. Eliminating the wrong people in your life doesn't mean you wish them ill-will, but it's important you render forgiveness where its needed, including for yourself, and send them love and blessings each day. As the photo quote above says, If someone makes you more miserable than they make you happy, it doesn't matter how much you love them, you need to let them go.