The concept of friendships has been at
the forefront of my contemplations of late. Loss of friendships; the
meaning of friendships; the missing of friendships; and the revival
of friendships past all have been on the radar this last year.
Friendship has been a recurring theme of my healing and growth. Life
is ever-changing and friendships are no exception to change.
I’ve lost a few friendships this year
that left me wondering if they were truly healthy friendships.
Through the loss I’ve gained a greater clarity and understanding of
what a meaningful friendship represents to me. I can count on a few
fingers how many friendships I’ve lost over situations that simply
didn’t get resolved to the point of animosity. No reason exists for
the inability to find respectful resolution other than resentment and
grudges (which typically reflect self-righteousness and arrogant
pride) by one or both parties involved, through the failure to
communicate, disrespect, lack of consideration of another person’s
feelings, or simply a need to have things seen or be one’s way. My
spiritual life coach often comments on how incredibly self-reflective
I am, willing and able to look at every angle of a situation, even
from others’ point of view. I do so sometimes to the point of
over-analyzing and/or taking on too much responsibility in any given
situation. Thankfully, I’ve been provided with support systems that
gently say, “Snap out of it!” when I go down that path of bearing
too much of the cross. I’ve learned to take responsibility for my
actions and mine alone, while restraining the “rescuer” and
"pushover" in me from taking on everyone stuff. Out of
these losses, I’ve keenly become more aware of my own value system,
and how I adopted and participated in friendships that were out of
alignment with these values. Through this reflection, I’ve learned
to raise the bar on what a meaningful friendship is for me, how I
reflect that as a friend, and how others reflect it to honor and
respect who I am as well.
In this effort, I’ve gained a
friendship that exemplifies the new found understanding of the
aforementioned lesson learned. Within this friendship exists many
differences, yet we manage them with reverent love and respect. We
don’t always see eye-to-eye but we discuss those differences
without either of us needing to be right or making the other person
wrong. We beautifully dance together among the differences sans
self-righteousness, selfishness, and demands that expectations be
met, creating a harmoniously coordinated movement through times of
disagreement and challenge. In that dance, we developed trust to
speak our individual truths without persecution or punishment aimed
at the other. This trust deeply anchors our connection and loyalty as
we support each other in trying times. We honor each others' need for
space without insecurity or compromised senses-of-self. This
friendship reflects and encourages multifaceted opportunities in
which our friendship welcomes varying interests, other friends with
whom we connect and socialize without either needing to be an
integral part of it in the name of insecurity or control. This new
found friendship is built on a solid foundation that is nurtured
every single day with care, selflessness, respect, trust, and
unconditional love and support.
I’ve also missed friendships I left
behind in Colorado this year, like-minded friendships steeped in the spiritual essence of who I am at
the core of my being: peaceful, joyous, loving, harmonious,
compassionate, spiritual, and caring. These beautiful friendships of
feminine divine connectedness reflect love, self-confidence,
selflessness, and goddess beauty; not jealousy, melodrama,
victimization, competition for attention, or cattiness. Coming
together for community involves sharing of a few glasses of wine,
good food, laughter and whimsical musings. These friendships feed the
soul, leaving one filled with vibrant energy, not feeling drained or
exhausted. My beautiful spiritual sisters from Colorado inspire,
motivate and cheer each other on, listen attentively in support,
allow each other space to be who we are, and render freely
unconditional love and acceptance no matter the situation. Finding
such friendships are rare as the gemstones of black opal or red beryl
emerald, and they are to be handled with care, tenderly as the
precious treasures they are.
Finally, I’ve revived a past
friendship that somewhere along life’s path faded like a ship into
the night. This friendship was truly a gift
from God upon my arrival to Colorado thirteen years ago as I started a new life in a strange place
as a stranger to everything and everyone. A recent blog post about my journey into my new life flushed
this friendship from the past after several years of disconnect, a loss I mourned at the time. This
friendship exemplified a sisterhood in which we hung out, had fun but also laid our hearts out to share
our deepest worries, fears, and greatest dreams; again, no drama,
no angst, no pity parties. The
foundation of this friendship was solid, evident upon the recent
reunion via email in which despite the years and the many life
changes we’ve added to our ticker tape of experience, the rhythm of
the friendship fell into its original place of trust, just like old
times.
Like the root base of a tree, the
foundation of a friendship determines the strength, the durability, the depth, and the longevity of the
connection and its quality. Without the roots of trust, open and healthy communication, respect,
integrity, sacred reverence, and unconditional love and acceptance, a friendship cannot withstand the times
of change, bumps and challenges. These characteristics I seek in any
relationship, but most especially that of my friendships. I honor all
the beautiful people within my friendships from the past, present,
and those yet to be, for they are my soul mates teaching me,
challenging me to expand my soul and its Light in this life. All with
whom I’ve traveled the road of friendships I send love, blessings
and gratitude for teaching me who I am. Thank you.
