The Art of Unconditional Love in the Throes of Judgment

This last weekend in Evansville, Indiana, a witness saw someone throw a dog out of a car window into the street which, upon hitting the pavement, was hit by another car and killed. I don’t even know where to begin with this; my emotions overwhelm as tears well in my eyes over such cold-heartedness. So many questions linger in my head: Why didn’t they leave it on the SIDE of the road? Why out a window? Why not leave it at the Humane Society? Of course, in my work, I’m always flipping situations around and turning them inside out – did the witness perceive a throwing out or was it the dog jumped out? Okay, if that was the case, WHY didn’t the car owner stop upon this happening? In my efforts to give any benefit to the doubt to the accused in this situation, I still end up with the assessment that this person is simply careless with Life.

As a dog owner, and one who respects and loves all animals, yes, even bugs (though I draw the line at mosquitoes), stories like this make me ill. I tear up upon seeing or hearing of animal neglect or abuse. That Sarah McLaughlin commercial leaves me in emotional pain and angst; I can not watch it. I feel for people the same way I feel for animals; it's part of my being an Empath and a Sensitive.

Many of you know I am a spiritual teacher that teaches and preaches Unconditional Love; and while I am a spiritual being in the human experience, I am not exempt from having human moments that yield anger, upset, judgment and resentment. It is through these experiences that I stop, tap into my higher consciousness to observe how I’m showing up as a human. From this higher vibrational space, I can then invite that part of me that's a Spiritual Being to shift my Ego into the state of Unconditional Love for others. My friends are sometimes challenged by my approach, believing that I offer way too much benefit of the doubt to others.

But my role as a life coach, spiritual teacher, and energy therapist is to support the healing of others and ultimately that of the world. In order to do that, I must be vigilant and proactive in “healing” within myself any negative attitudes and energy that pop up during my human experience: whether it’s disappointment in others and how they show up within business, social or romantic relationships; how I fail to show up for others AND myself, and/or; in my own choices, actions, or inaction. If I’m teaching Unconditional Love and Forgiveness, I must practice what I preach, and become an Observer of how my Human Ego shows up in these situations. Unfortunately, I know and witness many that proclaim themselves as spiritually enlightened and/or religious and spiritual leaders and role models who fail to “check” their Ego when in the throes of a human experience. So when I found myself incensed about this dog incident, I spewed upset and anger. I knew then I needed to take a step back out of Ego-driven judgment. It’s okay when we feel these things; but it’s not okay to function within this Ego energy in judgment, condemnation, assumptions, and criticism of others.

To step out of this Ego state, I breathe, in this case, REALLY DEEP, and remember the Truth that We Are Deeply One. In times like this, or when we are challenged by loved ones, rude or seemingly insensitive or selfish strangers, we must always, always remember that God runs through it, regardless of the outpicturing of the circumstances. This concept can be a real stretch. But we must always turn the situation around so that we are in the other person’s shoes; when this is challenging, it's our Soul's inner call to look more deeply within ourselves at what is in need of healing. Even when the actions of others defy our grasp of comprehension, we must move more consciously and quickly into inquiry and understanding rather than into judgment and persecution. If we are Deeply One in God, we are only judging and persecuting ourselves; so what is it about others' actions that strike the chord within? Assumptions only misconstrue our own perception of Reality, and incorrectly assumes another's Truth without an understanding of "what is." Asking questions doesn’t imply we are condoning choices, but rather allows us to see situations from a higher and broader level of Consciousness.

While it may appear I am trying to find an excuse for this unkind human being, I’m simply asking questions out of inquiry rather than judging out of assumption so that I may understand why: Why someone would do such a callous thing to a helpless creature? Regardless of the answers, the choice, the action in and of itself is not condonable, and fortunately, we have human laws, although weak ones, that address such actions. This individual must be held accountable, if only to teach him/her/them as well as our entire community that animal cruelty is not acceptable. Our society and its laws aren’t the best at teaching respect for life, but we must have faith in humanity – it is evolving but it starts with us, our own healing, and in that process, finding and showing unconditional love and offering forgiveness for others and ourselves. The bottom line is we are all in this Human Experience together; and as such, we must practice less of the Ego-driven outbursts of upset and judgment, but more of the mantra, “Deeply We Are One.” Personally for me when I think about this incident, I am saying this Truth a lot.

One final thought for consideration: Dogs are the greatest teachers of Unconditional Love. Had this dog survived, it most likely would've accepted its handler with "open paws," so to speak. Amazing but true; so there's no coincidence of God being present in and through this horrific situation, and using one of Its finest creatures to teach us this lesson of Truth.


This blog post is dedicated to Casey and Belle, my greatest teachers of Unconditional Love for fifteen years.

Spiritual Wisdom in Fishing for Men

I’ve been off and on the online dating sites now for just over a decade, joining when Match. Com became all the rage. My experiences with these sites have been less than wonderful as advertised on TV. I have heard of success stories but I’ve also heard some of these weren’t so successful after the marriage was in force.

I’ve done Match, Yahoo Personals, EHarmony, and a few others that were “one hit wonders”, and most recently, Plenty of Fish. My experiences have run the gamut: meeting those who want to dive right into a relationship after the first phone call, some who reel me in via email then once they have my number, disappear. Others have called a time or two then disappear with no explanation; then a few have made it to the first meeting, usually in a coffee shop, and then dissipate into thin air as if Scotty just beamed them up! I’ve also had a few I’ve met that looked nothing like their 10-year old college photo they posted. One dating relationship lasted all of two dates; a third date was scheduled but he was 30 minutes late, so I left, after which I got a call saying he was on his way, to hold tight, he'd be there in twenty. As if!

The last and most successful dating result, though an unsuccessful dating experience, lasted for ten months, and in hindsight, that was probably too long. In fact, I’m stretching it to say ten, as it was off and on, hot and cold, and borderline stalking for the last three months. In the last couple of years, trusting my own intuition around dating has been my greatest challenge. There were "red flags" and intuitive nudges early, early on in the “getting to know you” stage that I simply dismissed. My problem is I see the potential in someone and as a life coach and intuitive, I see beneath the surface their spirit, and the potential of what they are capable of being. I can detach from any expectations when I work with my students and clients as they move through their journey; but I’m still mastering letting go of that similar problem women have with “bad boys”: believing we can change them. I don’t date bad boys but I've noticed I'm dating men who are in need of healing. It’s what I’ve been attracting lately and I am re-evaluating how and why. It may simply be one of those job hazards I have to monitor more closely.

So, in the last relationship, I tried to “develop” him into his fullest potential and he was open to it; he’d play along for a very short while, then he’d rebel. Not one to give up a challenge, I continued to give many benefits of the doubt, second, third and fifteenth chances, all the while “coaching” him on how to implement change each time he wanted me back. Eventually, after my head started hurting from banging it against the wall, I got the long ignored intuitive message: Time to move on.

And so, I’m fishing the "plenty" of the sea again, and dusting off old dating lessons to revisit and review. The phrases my students and clients hear me say constantly I am now saying to my self daily: it (dating) is a process; don’t get attached to the outcome; don’t take things so personally! And in dating, I’m learning not to assume that once they are interested they will actually stick around. Message received, Spirit!

Once upon a time I had dating down to a science and was quite successful. A girl has to eat and I was well-fed when in Denver, and when I was fed up, figuratively speaking, of how things were going, I confidently said, "Thank you but no thanks. Next!" I’m embracing this approach again, and remembering how to weed the garden of possibilities. I can’t do anything about someone not showing up in this process, and in hindsight, I appreciate it happening on the front end v. half way through. And as for my latest online dating venture, I am grateful for the abundance of interest and responses I've had – overwhelming, to say the least. I guess there are plenty of fish in the sea. Here fishy, fishy, fishy.